What We've Been Up To:

• Health:  thyroid med got upped again.  Going to endocrinologist on July 2, way across town.  INR has been in range for a while, so woohoo!  Thinking about switching from Fluoxetine to Cymbalta for anxiety b/c Cymbalta is also prescribed for fibromyalgia and decreases appetite...might as well see if it makes any difference.  Although it increases sweating and since gaining this weight I already feel like a big fat sweat monster.  Oh well. 
• Embry:  Sassy as ever, but can also be oh so sweet.  I am leaning away from homeschooling cuz that kid can drive me up a wall when she wants to.  I've learned to pick my battles with her because fighting with her all day long is just not something I want to do.  She has her second summer camp day at church on Tuesday, it's a water day.  Hopefully she'll have fun, I'm sure she will.  She's a social butterfly after all. She got a rash a few weeks ago which turned out to be really dry skin and it's been better since we've been moisturizing it extra.  She also got hives about a week before that and we think it might have been from honeydew melon, but we're still not sure.  She had one piece yesterday and no hives, so who knows what they were from.  
• Nola:  This kid a roller coaster of emotions and such a drama queen.  She can be laughing one minute and crying the next for what would appear to be no reason at all.  It will be so nice once she can actually tell me what is wrong instead me just trying to guess what she wants (or doesn't) until finally something makes her happy...or I just give up and walk away.  For the most part she's over her whole 'I hate the pool' thing.  Although last week she threw a huge fit in there when I hosted a playdate for MOPS and didn't stop screaming until I put her outside the fence on a towel with a popsicle, then she was happy as a clam.  Like I said, it'll be a lot easier when she can express her emotions with words!  
• House:  Oy!  Here's the whole long saga...our homeowners insurance cancelled us because we had 2 claims since we bought the house in 2008 (one when the hot water heater broke and one when the air conditioner broke).  The agent said it was no big deal because they could get a bunch of other insurance companies to underwrite our policy.  Well, then I talked to the other agency they sent me to and the agent there said that no insurance companies are allowed to insure a home for water damage if it has polybutelene pipes, which ours does.  So we could either pay 3x as much and get an insurance policy that does not cover against water damage or we could redo all our plumbing and switch it to aquapex pipes.  I asked around (since almost all the homes in Rita Ranch have/had polybutelene pipes) to see what companies other people have used/liked and I got a quote from the most recommended one...$7k.  I'm going to call another company that claims they can do it cheaper with a similar warranty tomorrow and see what they say.  Obviously, we don't just have 7k lying around so this means that we'll have to put it on credit and hopefully not have to pay any interest for 15 months so we can either pay it all off or a big chunk of it before the 15 months is up.  Problem is, whatever we do we need to do before July 14 because that is the date our mortgage company gave us until to get new homeowners insurance coverage or they will assign us some expensive/not good coverage.  

I'll leave you with some pictures of our fun summer activities instead of a long rant about the house!

Furthermore

To continue the rant on my dr, I gave her a jury duty medical excuse form and I get it back 2 days later to find that not only has she not written down any of my med probs but instead she wrote down issues that I don't even have! She put down that I can't be a juror because I have 'severe depression' (really, interesting that I was unaware I am depressed) and I am 'unable to focus reliably'. How interesting! I'm learning all sorts of new things about myself!

My dr is a Quack

So still haven't lost weight after working out for roughly 4 days a week at the gym for 6 weeks. Plus my hips started to hurt again and my period went funky, so of course I make a dr appt and go my own online research (I mean who wouldn't after the dr of death experience?!). So I go in armed with all my info and she's soooo slow...which could be a good sign, but then when after a half hour of me mostly waiting for her to type up stuff in her laptop I say, 'you ready for the next issue?'. And she says, 'you're killing me, fine, but I only have time for one more.'. I felt like telling her that she was the one that wasted all my time and maybe since she's so slow, next time I'll make 2 back to back appts do we can actually cover everything. I refrained.

Basically I tell her that I'm not losing weight and I think my thyroid might be messed up again. Then I lead into, do you think my pituitary gland could have been damaged when I had all the blood clots from lack of blood flow and it sent my hormones out of whack? She goes, 'well I don't really see the connection, blah blah blah, but I guess maybe I could try to send you to an endocrine dr....pause...thinking thinking...yeh I guess we could try that.'. Then I go, 'GREAT! Let's do that! Fantastic!'.

By this time I'm ready to scream or cry, I can't decide which, so we move onto the she doesn't have time for me thing and I tell her that between my spine and right shoulder blade has been tingling a LOT. She checks my range of motion and says, 'looks good, I guess I'd just monitor that, let me know if it keeps up.'. Then tells me to let it swing loose ever once in a while stretch out the tendon. Thanks doc, you're a real help.

Beautiful day

It's times like this, when I feel the closest to God...

Sitting outside, listening to the breeze rustle through the trees and my girls laugh and sing together in the sandbox (I'm just ignoring the occasional yell or threat from embry when Nola steps in her wet sand).

I'm amazed at how God can create all of this miraculous beauty and still have room to love me so fully.

Not that life is all roses and lollipops, but these moments remind me that through all of the struggles of this world, God is still so good!

I am SO not ok with this!

So what the heck?  Still working out and not only have I not lost weight, but get this, I went up 2 sizes all because of my big old fat belly!  I just went to Target to get some more fat clothes for summer and I am just disgusted.  I initially brought in size 12 and size 14 shorts/skirts.  The 12's were a joke, and the 14's were even funnier because they were also nowhere near buttoning.  Oh but everything except the waist was WAY too big.  Begrudgingly moved on to size 16...could button if I tried really hard and then had a muffin top AND bottom...bulge above the waistband and below the waistband.  Then, as I tried to hide the size label in case I see anyone I know (it was the Target post-church crowd after all), I put on the size 18 (mind you the biggest size before going into the 'plus' section).  Fits around the waist and looks ridiculously large everywhere else.  This bites.

Trips

Nola's still sick, but I took her to the dr on Friday and she doesn't have an ear infection, it's just a yucky cold. So today while the kids are home with tony I'll be going to the Y to do Zumba. They don't offer childcare on Sunday anyhow, and I really needed to get out of the house. Plus I think exercise will help my mood, I've been in kind of a funk lately.

I'm trying to do fundraising for the mops convention. Normally I say I HATE fundraising, but this is not the traditional 'here, buy something from me' approach which generally comes down to begging and hurt feelings. I am organizing 2 bunco game nights this summer. Getting people to pay $10 to come eat and play bunco is super easy since its so fun! The other part of it is trying to get businesses to donate gist cards or gift baskets to use as prizes. I was initially pretty worried about this, but it turns out it's going better than I thought. I'm getting a lot of help from other women who are going to convention too and my efforts have proved to be quite fruitful this far. I'm now just doing follow up calls to businesses where I've already dropped off donation letters. The convention is in Dallas on Aug 9-12 and it looks like there are a lot of great sessions going on. I've been wanting to make more of a difference in mops and I really think this will help me to do that.

Aldo, I booked our tix to wi for my 10 year reunion! We'll be gone July 27-Aug 6. That means I'll only be home for 2 days before heading to Dallas for convention.

How is this possible?!

I joined the Y about 2 weeks ago. I've been bustin my butt working out since then and according to the scale at my drs office I've actually GAINED weight! How encouraging is that?! Although, I must say, I LOVE working out in a class! I think this may have solved my problem of hating to work out that ive had in the past. Plus I feel so much better when I'm done (and let's face it, I like taking a shower without my kids needing me). Now the issue is that Nola got the cold that embry had (which led to embry's current ear infection) and she's snotting all over and coughing up a storm, so obviously I can't leave her in childcare. End rant!

LA Fitness

I went on a tour of LA Fitness yesterday. They're building one on Golf Links and Harrison, which is closer to my house, set to open in April. It was nice, but the child care was really not something I liked. It's a nice set up, but there were 2 workers for like 15 kids, they don't change diapers, they don't give sippy cups, and when I picked up the kids Embry was whining. So come to find out some boy in there head-butted her and knocked her over (she has a bruise on her forehead now) and they didn't even reprimand him. I mean you can't exactly trust everything a 3 year old says, but either way, I didn't want to take them back there. Next up is the YMCA. Only issues I have there is that the pool is outside (although it is heated all winter), and there is no spinning or cycling class. I have heard that the childcare does fill up sometimes so you'd either have to wait for 2 spots to open or just forgo your workout if you can't wait. That would really tick me off. I know a lot of mom's that go there, which is good and bad. Good that I might have some added accountability, but bad that I look like a red-faced freak when I work out and would be trying to hide behind every pillar and weight machine possible. ;)

Fat

I started this post about 2 weeks ago and added a bunch of pictures etc, but then the autosave didn't work, so it got erased...argh.

My thyroid level was normal with the med adjustment and my cortisol level was also normal, so now it's time to get on the workout bandwagon. Especially since my 10 year high school reunion is on July 29!!!!! I can't possibly go back there looking like this. Once I start to think I don't look so bad, I see a picture of myself and am totally taken by surprise and how incredibly horrible I actually look. I mean, it's gross. I almost feel like taking 'before' pictures of myself in a bikini or something as motivation to not give up on working out, but I might actually break down if I have tangible evidence of what this looks like without clothes on. Oh and get this, gained another 5 lbs. That puts me at 180lbs. 15 lbs heavier than I've ever been. Something must be done.

Health Update

Kids are great!

My leg ultrasound came back fine, so no clots, woohoo!

My back xray was also good, the fractures are there, but have hardened nicely so that means less pain, but never no pain. I'm ok with that.

I went to the ear/nose/throat dr on Monday who said that the perforation in the ear drum has healed, but there is a lot of fluid and pressure in the middle ear which is causing the ear drum to be sucked in making it concave and unable to vibrate, hence the lack of hearing out of that ear. He prescribed a taper of prednisone starting at 40mg which I took the first dose of yesterday. I'm really hoping this does not add to my already troublesome weight problem, but I doubt it will since it's only for 2 weeks.

My pcp rechecked my thyroid and also checked my cortisole levels (per my request) and I'm hoping to get those results back tomorrow.

We got some sickies over here!

The kids are sick. Bleh.

Geez, I started this post about 2 weeks ago and all I got down was one line. Now, the kids are all better and I'm the only one that's still sick. Nola had a bad ear infection and a fungal diaper rash and Embry had a double ear infection, they took some antibiotics and were all better. Tony got a cold type thing (which is very weird for him) and he's feeling normal again. I got a double ear infection with a ruptured right ear drum. They're both still draining, but the left is much better and the right one I still can't hear out of. My PCP is sending me to an ear, nose, throat specialist because I guess sometimes they actually do patch up the eardrum, but it seems that most of the time they just let it heal on its own...which it should. In the meantime I just keep saying, 'What?!' a lot because I can't hear people! This can actually come in handy sometimes though, like today we went to a movie and the gentleman behind us was making some weird snoring sound when he breathed (but he wasn't asleep) and I couldn't hear it until Tony had me specifically listen for it. Then it was annoying. I've also left my blinker on quite a bit because I can't hear the little ticking that goes along with it. So now I'm almost done with my second round of antibiotics and it seems to slowly be getting better (ie, less drainage).

In other news, I'm having nightmares about being really fat. I think this was brought on by looking through some pictures from after I had Embry when I was a good weight and feeling so incredibly disgusted by how I look now. It's really unfair that I did NOTHING to put on this weight and yet I am the one who will have to work really hard and kill myself to lose it. I stopped having soda in the house and have I lost any weight, nope, in fact, I think I've gained some. That's really motivating.

Pituitary Gland?

I talked to the dr about my hormones the other day and she wanted to recheck my thyroid first to make sure it was still in range. She said if it wasn't, that would explain all my symptoms (since messed up thyroid levels can mess up your hormone levels as well). So, they did the blood tests and I found out on Friday that the TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) is low, the T4 level is low, and the T3 level is on the low side of normal. I found an interesting chart online which explains it:

TSH Chart and Explanation

So now I'm wondering if there might be something wrong with my pituitary gland. The internet says that it can get damaged from blood loss or child birth etc. Anyhow, the dr increased my dose of thyroid medication so I'm really hoping it will finally do something. I'm sooo over this whole being fat thing.

It has been 0 days since our last trip to the ER...

Nola can say a few words now, besides mama and dada. She can say:
-tenk yee (thank you)
-hi
-yay!
-bye bye
-hello
-cat

She also knows how to 'cuddle' her stuffed animals and give kisses (open mouth of course) and she's slowly developing the ability to use utensils. She's become a VERY picky eater and will vigorously shake her head 'no' when I try to feed her, well, almost anything. Although this shouldn't really surprise me because growing up I was known as 'Two-Bite Leatrice' meaning I'd only tolerate 2 bites of any one thing before turning it away. If only I had that problem now...

She's recently turned into a little toughie too. She stands up for herself against Embry and when she doesn't like something, oh you will know! If she doesn't want something that's on her highchair tray she will wave her hands around violently until it falls on the floor. She has severe separation anxiety whenever I leave, or leave the room, or go upstairs...basically if I'm not easy accessibly, she'll cry. Makes it a little difficult to go anywhere without her, but I'm sure she'll get over it soon enough. Embry never cared when I left or handed her over to someone else, it is actually kind of nice to be wanted this time around. :)

Embry went to the ER this morning. She had pretty bad diarrhea all day yesterday and then when she got up this morning, she laid on the floor and couch for 2 hours asleep and looking not so hot. So when the dr's office opened up, I called and left a message for the Dr. When they called back they asked when she had peed last and I said 'sometime yesterday' and their response was, 'well she needs to go to the ER then.' So after calling Tony and having him come home from work, I took her in. We got into a room right away and she fell asleep, but then woke up heaving, so I shoved the garbage can in front of her and she was awake from that point on. The dr came in after what seemed like FOREVER. He was very nice and gave her a dissolvable anti-nausea tablet and 2 popsicles to try to get her to poo. It worked and we got a stool sample but not before I spilled Embry's pee and poo all over my hand (and the bathroom floor). They tested it and said it was just a virus. Gave us a script for more anti-nausea stuff and said to give her lots of fluids (no kidding) and if she keeps it down then it should do the trick. After 4 hours in the ER we were on our way home and she fell asleep in the car, so she took a nap once we got home. Her poo is much less runny now, which is great! The dr said these usually last 24-48 hours and that the flu vaccine only protects against the high fever/cough flu, not the stomach flu...which I personally think is totally stupid but whatever.

I feel like I might be coming down with something like a cold. My throat feels scratchy and my nose is runny and clogged. I'm hoping it goes away and soon! I have an appt with my pcp on Wed to talk about my hormones being messed up, because I think they are. It would explain so many things...the bone loss, the night sweats, the incredible weight gain, the excessive sleepiness, and the fact that my last three periods were pretty wacky. I always get all revved up to go in there demanding answers and then I get there and feel bad if I speak up, but not this time! I was right about the thyroid levels and I think I know myself enough to know that something's up, so she'll just have to go along with it or listen to me blabbedy-blab for hours on end until she gives in. So there!

New Year's!

As I was perusing the aisles of Safeway in search of New Year's Eve staples, I had a thought...why don't we act like everyday is New Year's day? Each day should be a chance to make a change, to invite in the new and put the old in the past where it belongs. Think about it, everyday is a new opportunity to do something different, to make a resolution to become a better person in some way. Focusing on accomplishing something worthwhile for one day a year isn't enough, let's do it everyday! If you consider the fact that everyday Jesus puts our past behind us and gives us a chance to do things right, shouldn't we go through life the same way?

The past is the past. It will always be with us, but we don't have to live in it. Let's live for today, the here and now, and everyday we can wake up with love and hope in our hearts to make it better than our yesterday.

Christmas!

Tony's mom, Allison, and Stefan got down here early on Saturday morning. First we played games, then we got ready and went to the candlelight Christmas Eve service at church. I did not realize that the children came into the regular church with us for this service, but they did really well besides Nola trying to grab our lit candles and the fact that they were dressed for playing, not for church, but whatever. Then we went to Winterhaven to meet up with some friends and show Tony's mom and sis one of the best things about Tucson. It was great!



Then on Christmas morning we opened presents!

Then Tony picked up his dad and brought him back and Doro and Allison went to pick up my niece Oasis and bring her over. Tony deep fried a ham, which was DELICIOUS and my mom and dad brought over a turkey (also great, esp since it's one of my favorite left overs to eat). Our friends, the Gibsons and my sister and kids also came over to join us for lunch. It was a full house and a wonderful time!

Here's Stefan, Vince (their dad), and Tony. They haven't all been together since last Christmas.

Then on Monday we headed out for some after Christmas shopping (leaving the boys at home) and headed up to Mount Lemmon to play in the snow. We tried and failed to find a sled beforehand so we used a campaign sign that someone had left up there for a makeshift sled most of the time. I did not go sledding since my track record of injuries hasn't been so good this year, but Allison and Oasis took Embry down the 'slope' and they had a blast. We also had fun throwing snowballs and eventually getting Nola to warm up to the idea of the cold stuff getting near her.

A good Christmas was had by all! And, I must add, it was way better than last year!

Christmastime is Upon Us

and I'm oh so happy!

I'm happy to be spending Christmas alive and well this year. I fully intend to take advantage of all the fun things that are around this time of year. Starting with Winterhaven, we went last night. We took my sister and Colter along and it was fantastic. Not freezing cold, but cool enough and not completely packed like it has been when I've gone in the past. Embry had a major melt down for like 20 minutes after we posed her for a picture in an elf cut out. She cried and cried and wouldn't stop for anything. Finally she got over it, but geez, it was dramatic. We walked almost the whole neighborhood except for a few of the side streets. It was magical. The one huge disappointment for me was that either we couldn't find the wishing tree, or it was gone. :(

the dreaded elf cut out

...and the result.

We went to the Eastside Desert Mom's group Christmas party a week ago. I took my kids plus I was watching Haley and Isaac that day so my mom came along to help out. It was at the Rockin Star Ranch and the kids had so much fun on the pony rides. I was very proud of Embry for not freaking out on the pony, which I thought she would, but she tends to be braver when grandma is around. I also won a gift basket with some neat sauces and dip packets. The only part that was mildly disappointing was that Santa arrived and the girls had to go potty, so by the time we got out, Santa was gone. Therefore, we did not get a picture with Santa this year. I was going to take them to the free santa at walgreens this past weekend, but it ended up getting too late and the girls took a nap instead. There's no way I'm going to see the mall santa for a stupid $30 picture!

I went along with Kim to her work party last Friday night. We got to dress up (always fun) and go to the Omni resort in Oro Valley. They had yummy appetizers and desert and I got to meet a lot of the people Kim works with and they were so nice! I also won a raffle there and my prize was a Kindle Fire! At first I thought it was just a regular kindle, which is also freakin awesome, but then I looked at it more closely when I got home and FREAKED OUT when I realized it was actually a Kindle Fire. Oh, I'm so blessed.

We went over to Anna's house last weekend to celebrate the holidays with Anna and family and Kim and the kiddos. There was lots of good food, presents, and fun!

Then we went to the Young Married's Christmas party on Sunday night. Tony and I won the contest for 'best White Elephant' gift by giving the 3 wolf moon shirt. Our prize was a very large gummy bear, some yellow snow candy, bumpitz, and a $25 gift card to Target. Woot woot!Yesterday, I got to spend most of the day making Christmas goodies with Embry. We had lots of fun making buttercrunch toffee, peppermint bark (with dark and milk chocolate), and cowboy cookies. I am convinced there is no better cookie in the whole world. I layered them in some Christmas tins with tissue, tagged them, and delivered them today. I took one to the hematologist, Dr Taetle, one to the Caremore care center, and one to the nurses in ICU west. It was oddly easy getting into ICU and once I was in there I could feel my heart beating faster. I talked to a dr, a tech, and a nurse while standing right outside the room I was in for 10 days last year, it was so surreal. I didn't know any of the people I was talking to (I think I only remember 2 of the people from ICU and they weren't there) but they asked about my story anyway and I thanked them for keeping me alive. They told me how good I looked for having gone through so much and the whole experience cemented in my mind the gravity of what really happened last year. How dire the situation was and how far I've come since then, it really did happen. So, once I left I felt really good, like life was mine for the taking, but by the time I got to my car I was crying. I think mostly because I'm just so thankful. It's hard to express all the feelings I still have inside of me, and I feel like I'm beating a dead horse. I mean people must be thinking, 'geez just stop talking about it already, it was so long ago!' but it really doesn't seem that long ago to me. Anyhow, all in all, it was a good experience and I think I'll be going back every year from now on. They need to know that what they do does really matter and I need to be reminded of how amazing God is.

Thankfulness

Let me list some of the many things I have to be thankful for this year:

• Being Alive!
• being able to hold my kids
• walking
• doing my own hair
• cooking
• cleaning
• cuddling
• having medical insurance
• my warm cozy house that really feels like my home
• feisty Embry
• sweet Nola
• a husband who's a provider and a friend
• every breath
• the love of my family, near and far
• parents who love me unconditionally
• hot water for baths
• good books (and friends to discuss them with)
• friends who love me in good times and bad
• Mostly God, who gives me all these blessings and more