2016 has been a really hard year for me. I've learned so much about myself...some things I'd rather not have known, but I know God will work it all out for good.
In the coming year, I plan to stop torturing myself. I have a tendency to obsess about things and this year has been no different. My mind continually runs through the 'what ifs' and 'what could have beens'. I go back and I retrace all the steps in my mind, how I got to where I am, where things fell apart, and how I ended up doubting myself.
I've gone through a lot of asking myself what is wrong with me, over the past 6 months in particular. The answer is nothing. Nothing is wrong with me. I've made some poor choices, but I'm still me. Hopefully a better version of myself everyday.
I realize I need to let go of bitterness and envy, but that is much easier said (or typed) than done. There is a lot more that I need to let go of too and it's just going to take time. Excruciating, never ending, time. I need to forgive...myself, others...and move on. How that actually gets accomplished is still something I'm trying to figure out, but I will get there.
Each moment is a chance to start over. I'm going to be better in 2017. That's all we can really hope for in life, is to be better than we were before.