Sunday, October 4, 2015

My comfort zone

I did something this weekend that was completely out of my comfort zone.  It sent me right back to middle school.  The time when you feel awkward just existing and spend most of your time looking at the ground to try and blend in.  I'm talking about attending the souther Arizona Girl Scout volunteer conference on Saturday and then the camp certification training today.  

I'm used to being in places where I know at least one person, if not a whole bunch of people.  The more people I know the more at ease I feel to just be myself.  I hum jingle bells at all times of the year, I insert completely innapropriate comments into everyday conversation, and sometimes I laugh so hard I snot.  But that's just me and if I'm around people who know me, then they get that, and I don't feel much of a need to cover it up.  Then of course there are a few certain people, the inner circle if you will, that I can completely let my guard down around.  These are the ones who I don't need to 'impress' with dry humor and a happy face at every turn.  They get to see the real me.  The person who longs to feel attractive, who shamefully shops when she knows she promised not to, and the person who wants to be liked by everyone. 

I was honestly scared to death numerous times this weekend.  I was in a place with 70+ women, most of whom knew at least 1 other person there, and I was way out of my comfort zone.  I did meet some nice people, but there were so many times when I would arrive to a workshop first and pick a seat and then people would start trickling in and nobody would sit near me.  It really starts to give you a complex after a while.  Of course people did eventually sit by me and sometimes even talk to me *gasp* but I couldn't help
Feeling lonely.  

I always say I like being alone, but I guess I don't like being alone in a crowd of 70 people.  No man is an island right?