Saturday, December 31, 2016

A Year In Review

2016 has been a really hard year for me.  I've learned so much about myself...some things I'd rather not have known, but I know God will work it all out for good.

In the coming year, I plan to stop torturing myself.  I have a tendency to obsess about things and this year has been no different.  My mind continually runs through the 'what ifs' and 'what could have beens'.  I go back and I retrace all the steps in my mind, how I got to where I am, where things fell apart, and how I ended up doubting myself.

I've gone through a lot of asking myself what is wrong with me, over the past 6 months in particular.  The answer is nothing.  Nothing is wrong with me.  I've made some poor choices, but I'm still me.  Hopefully a better version of myself everyday.

I realize I need to let go of bitterness and envy, but that is much easier said (or typed) than done.  There is a lot more that I need to let go of too and it's just going to take time.  Excruciating, never ending, time.  I need to forgive...myself, others...and move on.  How that actually gets accomplished is still something I'm trying to figure out, but I will get there.

Each moment is a chance to start over.  I'm going to be better in 2017.  That's all we can really hope for in life, is to be better than we were before.