I have felt both guilt and shame a lot lately, but learning this distinction between the two made me realize that shame is definitely where I'm coming to a stand-still. Someone on facebook posed the question a while back, 'What is your greatest fear?' and one person answered, 'to have my integrity questioned.' That really struck me because I thought, yeah, that would really hurt me to the core.
I am basically a 'good' person. I'm not saying it to boast or brag, but in general I just try to do the 'right' thing, whatever that is and well, I'm not perfect. Nobody is. We all know this, yet I somehow thought I couldn't be swayed to go down the wrong path,but like I said, definitely not perfect over here!
I don't want to dwell in this place of shame. Jesus knows my heart. He knows my struggles, he knows my thoughts (yikes, that's scary), but he also knows that I'm trying. I think that's all we can really do in this life, keep trying. I sit here and question if I was ever a good Godly woman (whatever that is, I don't even know), but in my heart I know that God forgave me the moment I asked. It proves much more difficult to truly forgive myself.