31 Weeks

31 Weeks

Taken 9/16/10

Geez, the weeks are just flying by now. I don't know where the time goes! What I do know is that I am not getting nearly enough sleep. I'm having an issue taking naps because I just lay there and have hot flash after hot flash and sweat all over so I can't sleep. At night I sleep fine except I usually don't get to bed until later than I would like (because once Embry is asleep, I can do crafts uninterrupted) and then once I'm in bed I'm getting up at least twice a night to pee. Not that any of this is really horrible, I'm just saying what's going on. Also, I'm pretty sure I'm getting some vericose veins on my right upper thigh. The other day I woke up and had to peel the bottom of my stomach off of my thigh to stand and it hurt real bad, so I did some investigation and saw some not-so-pretty veins in that area.

I've become one of those moms that drops their kid off in the nursery without having fed them breakfast. I know, I'm horrible. Getting up and trying to shower at 7:30 when you have to be somewhere by 8:30 is a really bad idea. I barely had time to get out of the house much less get any food for anyone. So I sent her to the nursery with a bowl of dry captain crunch and a guilty conscience.

I have to have a root canal tomorrow. I thought about lying to the dentist and telling him the tooth was fine so he would just put the permanent crown on it, but then I figured I might as well just get it over with. It's my last molar on the bottom left. I've had one root canal before and it was pretty much one of the worst experiences of my life. I don't ever want to go through that again. I asked if they could sedate me for it, but they said no. Ewwww. I hate the dentist, I hate the smell of the office, you can even start to smell it getting off the elevator and you're not even inside the door yet. My pulse is racing just thinking about it. So, wish me luck. I might die of a panic attack before they even get started.

I'm starting to get scared about having 2 kids. I honestly have no idea what I'm going to do. I could go on and on about all my fears, but I'll sum it up with a convo I had the other day with Tony:

While I was about in tears, I said to him
L: 'I don't know how I'm going to manage with 2 kids. I'm going to need a lot of help.'
T: 'well I'll help'
L: 'yes, I know, but you're at work all day, what am I going to do then?'
T: 'well how does everyone else do it?'
L: 'everyone else doesn't have lupus.'

About a year ago, I would have never dreamt of uttering a statement like that. I feel like it places me in the 'victim' role, but that's not the point. I've come to accept that I just can't do everything that everyone else can. I have limits and I'm pretty sure I've reached them. Shortly after that convo, I asked Tony's mom to seriously consider moving down to Tucson. I admitted that I need help, which is an incredibly huge step for me. I got very excited about the idea of having someone else around, another pair of hands, to help with the kiddos. After some recent developments I've given up hope of her moving anytime soon, so I'm at a loss. My mom has been incredibly helpful with Embry, especially recently with my twice weekly NST's and all these dumb dentist appts etc. She even lets me run errands afterwards, without a kid! Do you know the excitement that fills my heart when I can go pull any shopping cart ouf the line without checking all the straps to make sure it will work?! It's rather thrilling. So, in closing, being a hermit is looking more and more appealing. ;)

Oh, went to the OB, I have a yeast infection. Now I'm on antibiotics for the root canal which cause more yeast growth...fun times.

Nola is doing great. The NST's are going fine. We have an ultrasound on Monday which I'm looking forward to. I'm feeling kind of like there's not a whole lot more room for her to grow in there, but I know I must be mistaken.