Weight Loss

Tomorrow is the start of a 12 week long weight loss group on facebook.  The idea is that each member pays $25 at the start of the 12 weeks and it all goes into a pot.  Then each week we take photos of our scales and send it in to the administrator who calculates the percentage of weight lost each week.  Then at the end of 12 weeks, whoever lost the highest percentage wins the whole pot of $.  If everyone who is in the group right now paid in their $25 (they still have 1 day to backout) then the winner would get $325.  I sure could use that money, but more importantly I could use my body back. 

This extra 60 lbs has really done a number on me.  Besides the extra pain that the weight brings to my joints and my back, my mental state has been quite horrible because of it.  Whenever I go anywhere in public I can't push the thoughts out of my mind that people are judging me.  I imagine teenagers laughing at me behind my back, fellow moms wondering why I don't just lose the weight already, and family and friends just feeling sorry for me.  I'm sure that most of what I imagine isn't true, but I know that a small portion of it is. 

I'm so self conscious that I've been trying to avoid certain situations (going out to eat, the movies, grocery shopping, parties) simply because I know I'm going to feel like people are staring at me and thinking about how fat I am.  Now you might wonder if I imagine people feeling this way about me, then how must I feel about other people who are overweight or larger than I am.  Well, I feel nothing about them what-so-ever, honestly, their weight, size, shape never even cross my mind. 

This whole issue, and the fact that I feel utterly hopeless in all of it, is completely eating away at me (eating away, get it?!).  It's made me into a different person all together.  I'm not as fun, crazy, or 'myself' as I used to be and that makes me even sadder.  There are times when I'm going to do or say something that normally I wouldn't give a second thought and then I stop myself because I don't want people to think, 'oh look at what the fat girl is doing now!'  It's depressing on so many levels.

I've tried throwing myself into an exercise  regimen where I worked out (doing hard core cardio) for an hour a day for 4 days a week for 9 months and I managed to gain weight.  I tried not drinking soda for a while, gained weight on that one too.  So this go around I plan to eat healthier (even though according to the 'experts' pretty much everything will kill you in some way or another), eat less, and do low-impact exercise (like walking, yoga, bike riding, etc).  We'll see what happens, but my expectations are at an all time low.  I might actually end up losing a negative percentage of my total weight by the time this 12 weeks is over. 

Technology: Good or Bad?

Perhaps you've read this article going around the interwebs.  Or as I prefer, this counter blog post.  All this controversy surrounding the use of smart phones being a distraction, or an outlet, for moms.  On the one hand you have an article saying that moms are missing out on their kids lives because they are constantly living in the world of the internet and on the other side someone saying that smartphones give moms a small window into the world outside their lives that are mostly consumed with all things kid-like. 

Being a newbie to the smartphone world, I'm naturally amazed at how I went so long without one.  I mean, I can be driving around town and say, 'oh I need to drop something off at so-and-so's house' and within moments be able to have their address mapped and I can watch my van as the little blue dot get closer and closer to their house...it's amazing!  Here's an actual example from this weekend:  Tony had the day off of work and we were going to go to the zoo and then I thought, 'oh, it's hot, we should go to the pool next to the zoo afterwards...but what is it called?'  So I asked my friend, got the name of the pool, looked it up and had a plan!  All in a matter of mere minutes and you know what I did with all that time I saved by using my smart phone?  I spent it with my family. 

Here's my theory:  there's a happy medium in everything and you need to have self discipline to hit that sweet spot.  In 1 Corinthians, Paul writes about this very issue when he says:

'And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable crown.' (1 Corinthians 9:25)

Now I'm no expert on the bible, parenting, life, or anything really but this seems like a legit argument.  Let's think about it this way, if you have a problem eating too much, do you just completely cut out food all together?  No, of course not.  You think, 'dang, I've got a problem.  I need to get this under control' and then you cut back.  You don't just stop eating.  So why when you find yourself using your smartphone at all hours of the day and night do you decide to throw it away, cancel your data plan, and go back to a dumb phone? 

Technology is only a hindrance if you let it be.  We are each responsible for our own actions and even if you have a smartphone or a facebook account you can let your actions shout 'I LOVE MY FAMILY!'  or 'I WANT TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE!'.  So I say, let's embrace this amazing technology that we're so blessed to have access to.  Let's continue to post pictures of our kids on facebook so that our family and friends, near and far, can feel like they're just a little bit closer to us.  Let's continue to start, join, and support causes that inspire and humble us with people from all corners of the globe.  Let's continue to be efficient in the way we manage our time, our homes, and ourselves for the greater good of all those around us. 

I know technology isn't perfect and that we, as humans, aren't perfect in our use of it.  But I also know that without technology, I wouldn't be able to write this blog post.  Not only because I wouldn't have a computer or access to the internet, but because I wouldn't be alive.