My comfort zone

I did something this weekend that was completely out of my comfort zone.  It sent me right back to middle school.  The time when you feel awkward just existing and spend most of your time looking at the ground to try and blend in.  I'm talking about attending the souther Arizona Girl Scout volunteer conference on Saturday and then the camp certification training today.  

I'm used to being in places where I know at least one person, if not a whole bunch of people.  The more people I know the more at ease I feel to just be myself.  I hum jingle bells at all times of the year, I insert completely innapropriate comments into everyday conversation, and sometimes I laugh so hard I snot.  But that's just me and if I'm around people who know me, then they get that, and I don't feel much of a need to cover it up.  Then of course there are a few certain people, the inner circle if you will, that I can completely let my guard down around.  These are the ones who I don't need to 'impress' with dry humor and a happy face at every turn.  They get to see the real me.  The person who longs to feel attractive, who shamefully shops when she knows she promised not to, and the person who wants to be liked by everyone. 

I was honestly scared to death numerous times this weekend.  I was in a place with 70+ women, most of whom knew at least 1 other person there, and I was way out of my comfort zone.  I did meet some nice people, but there were so many times when I would arrive to a workshop first and pick a seat and then people would start trickling in and nobody would sit near me.  It really starts to give you a complex after a while.  Of course people did eventually sit by me and sometimes even talk to me *gasp* but I couldn't help

Feeling lonely.  

I always say I like being alone, but I guess I don't like being alone in a crowd of 70 people.  No man is an island right? 

I'm totally suckin at this

Ha, oh well.  Sometimes I get in a rut and think, 'well what's the point of all this?  Does anyone even care?'  I guess it doesn't really matter because the point would be for my kids to get a glimpse back on their childhood through their mom's eyes someday or as a way for me to reflect on where I've been. 

Thirty-one has been ok so far!  The bad things that come to mind are 1) having pneumonia and an unidentified lung infection which was pure MISERY but that all got cleared up finally after taking super antibiotics (which also work on MRSA and the plague, it said so on the label) and 2) Nola is just more than I know how to handle sometimes.  I have recently started telling her that she is very 'contrary' as in, she disagrees with anything that is said, to which she will promptly reply, 'I AM NOT CONTRANARY!!!'  It's quite fun this whole game we have going on.  So she will be going to Miss Patty's Preschool 2 days a week from 9-2pm Monday and Wednesday starting on July 20.  Hopefully this structure she gets in preschool and the time away from me will be good for both of us!  Then the good things about 31 that come to mind are 1) cutting back (kind of) in MOPS to being just the fundraising co-coordinator so that I can be the troop leader for Embry's girl scout troop this year.  I'm excited to officially be a part of the fundraising team in MOPS and the Community Fair planning and prepping is in full swing (it's on August 1 this year).  Plus I've loved seeing Embry blossom in girl scouts this past year and I'm excited to take on a more active role in her troop in the next year.  We've decided to follow the nature journey for their combined daisy/brownie troop and hopefully we can do some nature exploring once the weather starts to cool off. 

We actually had professional pictures taken which I am so in love with!  I tried to get our whole family together (we were just missing one sibling) to get family pictures since the last ones we had were in 1995, but it could not be done.  It makes me so sad to think we will never get another family picture with my parents and siblings.  However I got some great ones of my kids and my parents etc.  Love them! 

It's been a while

Well it's been an awfully loooong time since I've blogged.  I keep meaning to and then well life gets in the way, or laziness, or probably most likely a combo of both.  

October:  I turned 31.  I am officially 'in my thirties'.  Ugh, how depressing.  I never imagined I would look like this in my thirties.  I thought I'd be like Jennifer garner in '13 going on 30'.  I'd be thirty, flirty, and thriving!  Well, not so much.  Hmm, such is life.  I planned a girls night out at a new dinner movie theater in town called roadhouse cinemas to see 'gone girl' which we read in book club.  Besides the fact that the movie was rated 'R' and probably had some highly innappropriate scenes for the crowd I had invited and one of my friends ended up sitting in a wooden chair for 2.5 hours in the back of the theater due to an rsvp mix-up, it was overall a fun time.  

Then Nola turned 4, which is just crazy to think that she's 4 already!  I know everyone says that about their kids, but really it's insane!  I guess at 3 they still seem like toddlers but at 4 they've moved into the preschooler phase and it seems so much older.  She is so crazy and makes us laugh all the time.  She does weird voices and weird faces and weird poses, all for the sake of trying to be funny, but the great part is it actually is funny!

For Halloween the girls dressed up as Anna and Elsa from Frozen...surprise surprise! They were so cute!  Nola kept going up to people and saying, 'isn't my dress so beautiful?!'  Like I said, she's funny.