Nola is 11 Months Old! (almost)

Nola turns 11 months old tomorrow! Eeee, that means only 1 month until her birthday! I decided to go with a rainbow theme and let me tell you, it's hard to find rainbow birthday party supplies! I'm pretty excited about making a rainbow cake and I've got until Oct 30 to get everything together, so it should be fine.

We decided to go to Las Vegas for 3 nights Oct 3-Oct 6 because my friend Kristy and her hubby John will be there for a conference. The girls will be spending 2 days with grandma Dorothea, 1 day with Aunt Allison, and 1 day with Jamie. I would have rather gone on the weekend, but we have a mandatory meeting for Nola's dedication at church on the 2nd. Then we'll be heading up to Phoenix so we will only have a 4 hour drive on Monday to get to Vegas. Have I mentioned that I LOVE Las Vegas? It would only make sense because I'm so naturally drawn to all things sparkly and shiny right?! It's practically a whole city made of glitter! :D Kristy and I are going to see Le Reve which is an acrobatic water show. I saw some of it on Regis and Kelly earlier this year and vowed that if I ever went back to Vegas, I'd be going to see that show. Our hotel is super cheap (got a good deal online) but the shows are always expensive so we're going to try to get tickets the day of and see if they're cheaper. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. It will be nice to spend some time with Tony away from the kiddos too. We've been having a bit of a rough time lately which me not feeling too well and more responsibility falling on Tony at work and at home, it's just been more stressful than normal.

I've been doing more playdates which is always fun. I find that the kids are (generally) much better behaved when we're out of the house. There's more to look at, a change of pace, and sometimes I even get to talk to adults! However, a few weeks ago I met up with a friend from young marrieds for lunch with the girls and Nola (who's normally the calm one) screamed and cried pretty much the ENTIRE time. It was maddening! I just kept apologizing and saying 'really, she's not normally like this!' I had no idea what was wrong either which is the most frustrating thing in the world. I fed her, she screamed. I held her, she screamed. I gave her toys, she screamed. Impossible.

I got certified in first aid and cpr yesterday. It makes me feel a little more confident about a) having a pool and b) having a child who chokes a lot and c) living in a region with rattle snakes and scorpions. Turns out scorpions aren't nearly as dangerous as I thought they were, which makes me feel less paranoid.

I made the girls picture appointments for Friday. I also made an appt to get my hair cut. I'm kind of nervous, but I think it needs something to make it bearable while the short hairs are growing out. This is what I'm going for:But obviously my hair is straight and I could NEVER stand having my bangs that long.

Oh I should say that Embry's hand, foot, and mouth disease is all gone. Has been for a while, but it was a bummer for her. Tony got it too, but only very very mildly and for about a day. I swear he's got the best immune system ever. Embry was quite miserable while she had it though, not fun for any of us. Nola (and I) never got it, so WOOHOO!

As far as my health goes, I started taking probiotics which I think are really helping my tummy troubles *yay*! My back is the same-ish. I've been having more headaches, blah. There is a very troubling pain in my right groin area (like the inside of my hip maybe) when I stand up or walk or sit or lay...so pretty much any change in position will get it going. Maybe I should go to the orthopedic guy again, but I'd really rather not. It could just go away on its own, but then again, maybe not. I keep telling Tony it feels like my crotch is gonna break.

A Recap

Nola turned 10 months old on Aug 26, which is just unbelievable to me! I know I was kind of out of it for a bit there, but it really seems like she can't possibly be that old yet. We finally got signed up for the next baby dedication at church, so we'll be doing that for Nola on Oct 9. That happens to be the day before my birthday, so I think it's reason enough for a party! :)

Then she'll be a year old on Oct 26, time for another party! Then 2 weeks later Embry will be 3, time for another party! I think I'm going to do a rainbow theme for Nola's and of course Dora and Diego for Embry and we'll definitely have a jumping castle for that one because Embry's been talking about it for about 4 months now. She's obsessed. I have no idea where she gets that trait from. ;)

Embry completely regressed with the potty thing a few weeks ago. It is maddening. She is now getting better again, but she was peeing in her pants (which forced us to go back to pullups ie $$$) pretty much every time she peed. Now she's doing better, which means she's had the same pull ups on since this morning without incident. She's peeing in them overnight now too though which is really disappointing because she had been dry at night for at least 6 months. Ah well, I'm sure it's just a part of toddlerhood that must be explored before moving onto the next stage. Lucky for me though she never pooed anywhere but in the potty and is now even using the big potty so we don't have to do that yucky poop transport from little potty to big potty. That can make even the strongest of stomachs turn.

We went to Phoenix over labor day weekend. It was super fun but also utterly exhausting as always. Nola woke up screaming twice the first night which was extremely stressful for me because I hadn't gone to bed till midnight (I was up playing games) and she was sleeping in a pack n play in Allison's room with Allison and Micah so I was really worried that her death cries would wake up the other baby. Anyhow, I fed her both times and she went back to sleep. The second night she was totally fine, so I'm not sure what he problem was, but she got over it pretty quick. We went to the Sea Life Aquarium in Tempe the first day and met up with Tony's mom, Allison, and Micah there. I had expected something really sucky, but it far exceeded my expectations. Embry LOVED it! She got to touch the starfish and stick her head in the tank bubbles and watch all the different sea creatures, she thought it was just great. I had fun too! Tony's brother Stefan came over that night and we had dinner. We got to see my friend Jamie while we were there and also Tony's friend from high School and her husband. Oh and we went to downtown Tempe with our friends from young marrieds who just moved up there. Embry got to play with Noah and it was just the cutest thing. :D Makes my heart happy.

MOPS started this past Tuesday. It felt so comfortable being back in that room with all the other moms that I share so much in common with. Although I have to say, cutting the time down to 2 hours really made it feel rushed for me. Maybe it was just because it was the first meeting and it won't feel rushed when there is a speaker and the regular layout, but it seemed like a lot to cram into 2 hours. We did squash books for a craft which I actually didn't do a whole lot of prep for at all, that was my partner in crafts, so woohoo! Now we have 3 crafts left for the year and I'm halfway prepped for the next one, just need to cut out some stuff on the cricut and we'll be all set. I'm also making the new baby onesies. I made about 10 to start off with, 5 for boys and 5 for girls, so I'm ahead of the game in that regard.

Where has the time gone?

I can't believe it's been almost a whole month since I last blogged, yikes! I guess I'll do bullet points so I don't have to think of transitions :)

Nola:

• she's crawling like a pro.
  
• Her favorite chew toy is any cord she can find.
  
• She's toppled one of the surround sound speakers and the tv tray over on top of herself, but she's easily soothed so neither was a big deal.
  
• She enjoys going to the recycling bin over and over again to take out dangerous objects like soda cans and plastic wrap.
  
• She has the cutest smile EVER! I just want to eat her face with those big cheekies and little baby teeth!
• We found out she hates bubble wrap being popped near her. Embry found this quite enjoyable, but Nola was very upset so the bubble wrap is currently in a 'time out' in the laundry room.
  
• She got the two front side bottom teeth about 2 weeks ago.
• She pulls up to her knees on everything, but has only pulled up to her feet 3 times that I can think of. Once on Embry's purple chair, once on the toy table, and once in her crib (which was super cute and I wish I had my camera to take a picture).
  
• Her most common 'words' are 'Ga', 'nnnnnga', 'hoyuhl' (both she and Embry made this same sound), 'eh eh eh eh eh' (like a machine gun), and 'udl udl udl udl' (like a wookie).
  
• We started giving her a sippy cup with water like a month ago and she really doesn't understand that she needs to suck on it. She just bites it and well, that's about it.
• She's started taking 2 solid naps each day. One around 9am and then another around noon. I like it A LOT.
  
• It has gotten so much easier to feed her which is a humongous blessing! We give her almost all stage 3 foods and don't have to put any of them in the food processor first. Occasionally she'll gag, but hasn't thrown up from it in about a month. She even eats yogurt with chunks in it and gnaws on french fries etc.
  
• However, she throws up 1-2 times a week. Like her whole jar of food and her whole bottle and it smells and it's really gross. She'll be all fussy and then she'll throw up and then she'll be super happy. So I'm going to have to ask the ped about that at her 1 year check up.
  

Embry:

• I love her, but she sure does know how to push my buttons!
  
• She moves at the speed of slow.
• Unless she's with her friends and then she's like a tornado.
• She hates naptime, but she still stays in her room for 2 hours/day. Sometimes she takes a nap, sometimes she plays, but either way, I sleep.
  
• She's definitely started to test her boundaries.
  

Me:

• I'm dang tired.
• The neurosurgeon said I have 2 months to decide whether to get the kyphoplasty done. He found a different bone glue that is more like bone rather than super rigid, but he'd rather not use it since it hasn't had any long term studies etc.
  
• My back has been hurting more again. It's somewhat ok when I'm up and going, but after I sit or lay down for any amount of time, it's pretty bad.
  
• The hair that fell out is now about 1-2 inches long and it's driving me nuts. I'm thinking of getting my hair cut short just so it will blend in better. That's what I did last time this happened, but I look even fatter with short hair.
  
• I am fairly certain I'll be joining a gym within the next week. I need to do something about my body, it's gross and it's affecting my mentality in a bad way. We'll see how my bones feel when I try to work out, I hope it all goes well.
  
• I was really sick last week. I hated it. I had a lupus headache (like a migraine) and pretty much couldn't move from my bed for a 16 hour period. I had a headache for 2 days before that, but not severe, then I went to take my nap and it just got horrible.
  
• My stomach has been messed up for about a month. It's like it was before I got pregnant with Embry. It sucks, but maybe it will help me lose weight?!
  

Tony's 26!

Nola being the super cutie that she is!

And we're only 1 year apart in age for a mere 2 months once again. This fact makes me feel like less of a cradle robber. ;)


Ok so I started this post about 2 weeks ago and all I got down were 2 sentences. I guess I'll finish what I started and say that Tony's birthday weekend was pretty fun. We went up to Phoenix and stayed at a resort for Saturday night. We took Embry over to play in the pools and then dropped her off at grandma Dorothea's house to spend the night with Nola. Tony and I ate dinner at Carrabbas even though we tried to eat at the Heart Attack Grill, but apparently it closed down. Sunday morning we had a breakfast buffet, went to the waterpark (I went down the slide WITHOUT getting injured, huge success), packed up and went to spend Sunday night at Tony's mom's apt. All of us: Doro, Allison, Micah, me, Tony, Embry, Nola, and Stefan went out to eat dinner at the Mellow Mushroom which is a pizza place that Tony's been wanting to try and it was dang good. Except all the kids were super cranky which was a tad stressful.

Embry at the resort water park.

Tony and Nola outside of the Mellow Mushroom

Our air conditioner broke AGAIN, this time the outside unit, and after talking to the home warranty place, they finally decided it would behoove everyone if they replaced the whole outside component. This was great news, and they also said they'd get it done within 2 days which was way better than the 30 day installation estimate they gave us at first. They replaced it on Tuesday 8/9 and in the meantime, my mom and I replaced the drywall that was cut out and the baseboards that were removed. We had a bit of snag replacing the carpet padding because it was felt and not foam (which is what they have at Lowes and Home Depot). We also cleaned the carpet and stretched it back out. We were going to have the entire downstairs tiled and had everything all set, then realized we just couldn't work that much of a cost into our budget so we put that on the back burner for a while. Hopefully we'll be able to get it done sometime in the future, but for now the carpet is going to have to suffice.

My physical therapy is completely done. I hate to be a debbie downer, but I've been feeling worse lately. My back/hips/joints in general all hurt and my intestinal problems are back (which were pretty much non-existent when I was pregnant/nursing) and my headaches are returning as well. I know I can deal with all of these things, I just can't help but think of how much more fun life would be if I didn't feel this way.

My dad has early Alzheimer's which means he asks the same question multiple times. My favorite common question is when he says to me, 'Are you getting fatter, or are you pregnant again?' This stings double fold because not only am I already painfully aware that I've gained weight (and ALL of it in my stomach) but also because there's no way I'd be pregnant since we can't have anymore kids. He asks it every time he sees me, without fail.

This brings up another point, how do you get motivated to do cardio and weight training when you're in constant pain? I'm kind of confused about the whole thing because I want to be more active, but I also think I shouldn't be pushing myself too hard. It's a double edged sword.

Anyhow, I hosted my sister Jen's baby shower yesterday. It was lots of fun and I can't wait to meet little baby Kindra soon!

Jen and I and the cake I made.

Embry and Colter had so much fun playing together!

Nola's 9 Mo Stats

at Nola's 9 mo appt

Weight: 20lbs (75%)
Height: 28.5" (>75%)
Head: 43cm (up to the 25%, woohoo!)

The Dr said her ear infection is all gone. I mentioned that she gags on EVERYTHING! I'm talking we can't give her stage 3 baby food unless it's pureed in the food processor or else she will gag and throw up all over. It's quite ridiculous. We tried giving her puffs twice and both times she gagged. The Dr said to try mashing up bananas with a fork and keep giving them to her to try and get her used to different textures or thicker foods. We'll see how that goes. I mashed up some mandarin oranges the other day and after they were in her mouth, she'd blow raspberries until it all came running down her chin. Not a success, but at least she didn't vomit!

Embry is insane. She won't stop talking about her birthday party coming up in a mere 4 MONTHS! She'll tell anyone who will listen about how she's going to have a Diego and Dora party and everyone's going to sing, 'Happy Birthday to Embry, Happy birthday to meeee!' and then she demonstrates how she will blow out her candle. She's completely potty trained but she's started this new thing where she'll just pee in her underwear enough to get them wet so then we have to give her new ones to wear. It's annoying as all get out.

We've been swimming a LOT lately. Partly because it's fun but mostly because our AC is still not working. The first time the AC guy came out (on Wed) he said he fixed it but he never actually opened up the bottom half of the AC unit in order to see the real leak. Needless to say, it was still leaking the next day and the same AC guy came out, so I showed him what was leaking and it was obvious he had no clue about it before that moment. So turns out they had to order the part and send out an install guy to determine how long it would take to fix and how many people they would need...which they didn't do till Friday. On Friday they told me they couldn't fix it till monday morning and also that the home warranty doesn't cover any reclamation or coolant disposal fees which are $400. Also, the home owners insurance tricked me and instead of paying a $1000 deductible to fix the water damage, we're signed up to pay 1% of our insured amount which is about $2300. This is a bit ridonkulous, honestly.

Good news though is that I'm probably going to lose a few pounds of water weight with all the sweating I've been doing.

Nola is 9 Months Old!

and she started crawling on Saturday night (7/23/11)!!! Of course, I wasn't here either! I had been really encouraging her to crawl the day before because she was soooo close. She'd get on all 4's and then pull both knees forward under her tummy, then fall onto her stomach and start over. She was actually going places with that method, but it looked like an awful lot of work! Then I went with My friends Sarah and Anna (Hi Anna!) to a cabin on Mt. Lemmon from Sat-Sun and Nola started crawling Sat night. Go figure. She was really really slow at first, but now she's stepped it up a notch and gets into all sorts of things. So far, she immensely enjoys ripping magazines and shoving the pieces into her mouth. It reminds us of when Embry would shove sand in her mouth at the beach so fast we couldn't keep up with her little fists of fury! I took some 9 month pics of Nola today, here are a few of them...


This last one is Nola on the left and Embry on the right in the same pose at about the same age.

Our night at the cabin on Mt. Lemmon was a lot of fun. We played lots of games (Qwitch, Ruckus, Nab-It, and Skipbo), enjoyed the weather, tried to go to 2 restaurants at the top of the mountain which didn't work out, and did a lot of cutting with the cricut. I had a nightmare where I was moaning out loud and luckily Anna woke up and in turn woke me up to save me from my dream. I also had a dream where Anna's cell phone was ringing, but her ring tone was Anna saying, 'Annaaaaa! Annaaaaaaa?!' L to R: Me, Sarah, Anna

Our Mercury Tracer won't start so we bought a new car, well new to us anyway. It's a 97 Honda Accord that Tony's friend at work was selling. We're still trying to figure out what we want to do with the non-functioning Tracer in our garage. I got the title switched over on the Honda today and I was so very tempted to get Tony a personalized license plate that said 'IBMer' but he didn't seem thrilled when I mentioned the idea to him. Also, we noticed that the floor in our hallway was wet on Sunday night. After calling the home warranty people, we had some plumbers come out and they discovered our AC unit in the garage was gushing water. Turns out there was about 1/2" of water all under our stairs, so now we have our baseboards and some drywall ripped out and a bunch of air movers and a huge dehumidifier in our living room/bathroom. Now we're waiting for the actual AC company to come out and fix the problem. They said they'd be here at 5pm or after and it's now 8:30pm and I've called the home warranty place twice and still haven't gotten an ETA from the AC people.

In other news, I'm doing much better, which I'm quite hesitant to say in case I jinx myself or something. Seriously though, my back is a LOT better since starting physical therapy at the spine center and I think the extra time it's had to heal has helped as well. My INR was in range when I was checked last week, so that means I get to wait 2 weeks between appointments. Oh, and another thing that made me feel oh so good was that CULVERS OPENED IN TUCSON! Unfortunately Tony wasn't able to join us for dinner there last night (opening day) because he had to be here when the guy was out setting up the fans for our wet floor, but I brought him back a butterburger and some cheese curds. I did get some pictures though...

I also performed a sneak attack on Embry while we were in the bath last week and I cut her hair. I was so tired of it looking all scraggly and thin, so I trimmed the top part that was longer than all the undergrowth. Now it lays, curls, and looks a lot better and thicker. :D

Healing?

It always kind of throws me off when a doctor uses the word 'healed'. I mean, they're not supposed to do that right? I feel like it's taboo in the scientific medical world where all things must have a logical explanation to chalk something up to healing, but that's what the new rheumatologist just said to me.

First of all, he called me himself, at 7:30pm no less to discuss the results of my follow-up hip xray. That's pretty awesome. He said that he looked it over and the bone infarcts in the femoral shaft were gone and furthermore, the deterioration (or avascular necrosis) of the femoral heads (my hip joints) was completely healed. I mean holy cow, I'm having a hard time not sitting here smiling like a dorkus all alone at my computer screen!

On top of this (which I'm so trying to not get my hopes up about) is the fact that he said the ANA -antinuclear antibody- test the hematologist did in March (which is the main test for Lupus) came back negative. He said it could mean a number of things but the main thing he referred to was the fact that labs have recently switched to a much cheaper and not nearly as reliable method to test for ANA which gives false negatives for about 10% of patients. Ever since being diagnosed in 2003, my ANA has consistently been positive up until this test in March, so he's going back to look at my old lab reports. You can imagine that immediately my mind starts thinking 'oh gosh, what if it's gone? What if I'm all better? What if my life can be normal again?' Great and now I'm getting all emotional about it...lame! So, like I said, I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but what if...???

On the not so great side he said that once you have compression fractures they don't really go away ever...which is not what the neurosurgeon said, so I'm a little confused. And he said my level of vitamin D is good at 36 which I'm about to look up what exactly '36' means. He'll also continue to be my rheumatologist so I'll see him every 6 months for check ups, woohoo!

New Teeth, Holiday, and Physical Therapy

Nola's top two front teeth finally broke through in the past week. First it was her left, and then her right came through a few days later. We thought she had a runny nose/fever from teething, then it turned into a cold, then it got slightly better, then she had a fever of 102.5 and kept waking up at night crying. So I took her to the dr the next day and voila, she has an ear infection in her left ear. We started her on amoxicillan that night and so far she seems to be getting slightly better. At least no more waking up in the middle of the night crying, so that helps everyone out! * Edit * I forgot to add that she says 'mama' all the time now! It's so great, it's mostly when she's frustrated, but I totally eat it up and respond with a lot of, 'yes darling?' and 'mama's here!' Also, she was weighed at the dr and she's 19lbs 4oz at a little over 8 months old. Mmmm, I love her!

We had a lovely 4th of July except we kinda missed the big fireworks. There was a super monsoon that started around 4pm which happened to be when we were supposed to be over at our friend Herb's house for some festivities. We waited out the bad part of the storm (ie horizontal rain) and then trekked out for the party. It was pretty low key which was nice and the kiddos had a great time playing together while the adults got to play a few games. Tony managed a huge come from behind victory in Farkle and then us stragglers (me, Tony, and Herb) played a game of Qwirkle. It was really fun and I think I might have to buy it. ;) Of course, I lost as usual. So since I didn't want to end the game early, we left around 9:20 while the fireworks which I thought started at 9:15 had actually started at 9pm. Basically we saw them while we were driving trying to find a good spot to park and then right when we found one (at the eastside PCC campus) they were doing the grand finale. :/ We came home to set a few off in the backyard, but Embry was not too pleased when Tony handed her a lit sparkler and then did a nice freak out when he set off a firework fountain by the pool. That was the end to our fireworks for the night and we called it quits and went to bed.
I had my first Physical Therapy appt for my back/hips. It was basically just an evaluation and he said we're gonna work on strengthening my core muscles. I'll be going in twice a week for 4 weeks, which is good, but kinda difficult to get someone to watch the kiddos that often especially when my sis and her family are moving down here soon. Oh that reminds me, I got a call from the rheumatology office saying that my levels of vitamin D are normal. I guess that means I just keep taking the same Calcium+D that I've been taking since 2003, but that doesn't really make sense to me since if it hasn't worked very well so far then why not switch it up? Anyhow, I'll wait to get the hip xray done and see the results of that before I get all huffy about anything.

New Rheumatologist

The guy's name is Michael Mericic and he's supposed to be a rheumatologist who specializes in diseases of the bone in rheumatology...he even had a lovely book displayed in his exam room which he wrote. Overall I liked him. He's nice and he seems to know what he's talking about. He actually kinda reminds me of the hematologist, which is a good thing. Here's a breakdown of what he said:

• There doesn't seem to be any clear reason why my bones aren't as strong as normal. He asked about my past steroid use and besides being the hospital I've never taken more than 20 mg at a time for about 3 weeks at a time...so that would not cause it. Also, the steroids used in the hospital wouldn't show any damage for years to come, if at all.
  
• The CT of my hips shows white (bone is supposed to be gray) on both femoral heads and about a 4 inch section at the top of both femurs. That could either mean there's fluid in the bone, the bone is dead, or it was damaged at that point but has repaired itself.
• The CT of my hips (which was done prior to being bucked off the horse) also showed that my L4 vertebrae had a compression fracture. Weird seeing as the scans of my entire spine while I was in the hospital in Dec were completely normal except for a vertebrae in my neck. So what happened between Dec and April to my back?
  
• He ordered blood work to see how my body is absorbing vitamin D and a repeat hip xray.
  
• They don't give bone medications (like fosomax or boniva etc) to women who are pre-menopausal. I didn't catch why, but seemed like some hormonal thing.
• He didn't want to check my estrogen levels (even though I mentioned it about 3 times) because it fluctuates throughout the month and since my body doesn't show any signs of a hormonal imbalance, there's no reason to think my estrogen level isn't normal.
  
• He also does not like Benlysta. Or rather says there's no reason to like it yet. Basically, he said the studies showed that most of the time there is no or minimal improvement and since they don't know the long term effects, it wouldn't be worth it to risk taking it. Also he said it's about $35,000/year.
  
• He doesn't like the idea of kyphoplasty. Basically that was because the blind studies showed the same improvement with the procedure and the sham procedure. That just goes to show how much power your mind has over your body.
  
• He'll let me know about the blood work and xray and figure out what step to take next.
  

The Neurosurgeon Follow-Up

Well, I went to see him yesterday and overall it was a good visit. I told him I was still in a whole lot pain and he said, 'well, you broke your back.' Makes sense, although I thought it would have been feeling much better by now. He told me that he could do kyphoplasty for L2, L4, and L5 (L3 is not too bad). Basically they blow up a little balloon inside each fractured vertebrae which creates a hole which they fill with bone cement. Problem though is that you're much more likely to fracture adjacent vertebrae in the long term because the cement doesn't have any 'give' where a bone would normally be a bit smushier than cement. Also since I'm so young, I'd obviously have more time to develop said fractures. I asked how old the youngest person he did the procedure on was and he said 'like 50's'. Ok, so yes, I'm the exception.

I basically told him I was having conflicting feelings about what to do because since I have 2 small kids, I don't want this amount of pain to be the 'norm' for me. I mean, I don't think it's fair to my children and it's certainly not going to fly with me for very long. However, he said he could still do the surgery if it's not better in 2 months after trying to strengthen the muscles surrounding the fractures (and core muscles to straighten my spine) through physical therapy, so that's the option I'm going with. I'm hoping it will all get better before my next visit with him, but if not, I'm prepared to go ahead and get it fixed. I guess sometimes you just have to give it your best shot and if things don't work out, then go with the flow and see where it takes you.

Nola is 8 Months Old!

Almost 8 Months Old!

In 2 days Nola will be 8 months old! Time sure does fly! She's cutting her front left tooth. Tony says he can see it poking through and feel it, but I still haven't confirmed that. She was super fussy on Wed and then started getting a runny nose on Thurs (which I figured was from teething) and now she's got a full blown cold. Poor baby. I'm listening to her cough on the baby monitor right now. :/ She still isn't crawling, but she scoots around on the floor well enough and she can stay sitting up without falling over for a LONG time. She also now loves to go swimming and splash in the water when I take her out of her floatie. Pulling hair is one of her favorite hobbies and she especially likes to pull Embry's because Embry will cuddle her and give Nola the perfect opportunity to grab a fistful (or 2) of hair. She also enjoys pulling the cat's fur, but they usually don't stick around long enough for her to get much.

Father's day was this past Sunday and I think Tony enjoyed himself. Embry gave him the airplane she painted for him at Color Me Mine the pottery place and I gave him a card and a photo collage of him and the girls. We went to church that morning and then came home to eat KFC with my parents and go for a dip in the pool. Then we had cake that my mom made and some ice cream and that's about it.

Tony with the girls on Father's Day

We finally met our nephew, baby Micah James, on Sunday (6/19/11) when tony's mom and sister came down from Phoenix to visit. He's so cute! I've always had a thing for Asian babies and he's half Philipino, so needless to say, he's adorable. Embry totally loved him, as she does all babies, but she kept going up to us, pointing, and saying, 'That's Micah! He's my cousin!' Nola obviously didn't know who he was, but she seemed to enjoy being around another baby. It made me a little sad to think that she'll never get to be a big sister...

Me and Micah

Embry, Nola, and Micah

Photo of Micah in the backyard

Anyhow, I hosted my first playdate for the year yesterday. It was so fun! I didn't realize how much I missed having my mom friends over and their kiddos. I used to really stress about being judged for the state of my house, or the grease splattered behind my stove, or the ring around the toilet bowl, but I've come to realize two things:

1) these are not the things that really matter in life, and,
2) we're all just trying to do our best to make it through infant, toddler, and mommyhood. So even if we did have a second to check out our friend's glass tabletop for fingerprints and jelly smudges in between wrangling a spazzing 2 year old and comforting a teething baby, we wouldn't care because we're all just doing our best and that's all we can do.

Back to the playdate- we went swimming! It's been getting super hot here (like 110) and there's not much to do except stay inside or SWIM! It was lots of fun getting all the kiddos in the water and splashing around. Embry had a good time dumping cupfuls of water in her crocs over and over again and we all enjoyed some popsicles in the sun afterward. I'm going to attempt to host one every 2 weeks or so and see how it goes.

Nola and Ryan before swimming

Embry with her popsicle after swimming

We'd like to plan a weekend trip to Phoenix sometime soon as well. We have a thing from livingsocial for a night's stay at a resort up there that also has a waterpark, so Tony and I were going to drop the kiddos off with Dorothea and have some fun on our own. Of course I feel guilty not letting Embry join in on the fun, but she's too small for any of the slides anyway so what would be the point?

My back and hips still hurt like coo-coo-ca-choo-coo (one of our favorite phrases in this house), but I go to see the neurosurgeon on Monday and hopefully he can help me somehow. My back is also doing some weird popping kind of thing when I twist or turn in certain ways. I have super news though! The new rheumatologist's office called and said that they were going to go through my insurance even though they're not contracted with them, so woohoo! I got myself a new (and hopefully good/knowledgeable/caring) rheumy! I go see him on July 1, exactly 1 week from today. :)

Oh also, the white car is like messed up. It's something with the fuel pressure being too low so it's having trouble starting. It'd cost like $700 to fix it and the stupid car is only worth about that much money, believe me, I checked KBB...so we're kind of wavering between trying to see if Tony's dad can fix it (although that would only save us the labor costs and the parts alone are like $400), driving it like it is until it really goes kaput, or searching craigslist for a small (and hopefully not too expensive) Toyota or Honda. I'm sooo done with American cars. Sorry, but they just suck like hard core. Also, the 'maintenance required' light came on in the van. Hoping that just needs like an oil change, that's considered 'maintenance' right?!

Huh?

I got a call from the neurosurgeon's office today to say that the Dr looked over my x-ray and that there is 'no change' in my vertebrae since my accident. So naturally I go, 'uh, what does that mean?' and she (the assistant) says, 'I'm not really sure. Did he talk to you about any follow up treatment or anything?' Uh, no. I have an appt to see him again on the 27, so I guess we'll figure out what all that means then.

I never really thought about what it would mean if my back actually didn't get better. I just trusted it'd go back to normal in 6-8 weeks and I'd be back at it...going to playdates, taking the girls places, going swimming, etc.

The new rheumatologist said he'd see me once and the office manager won't allow him to set up a payment through my insurance. So I guess that means he'll see me once and that's it. I'm not sure exactly what I'm supposed to achieve by seeing him once, but I'll give it a shot.

Nola seems to be really close to crawling, but I thought the same thing about rolling over and that took FOREVER! So obviously I'll post if anything develops on the crawling front, but as of now she's just up on all 4's and rocking back and forth. She can also stay sitting up for a while by herself if I put her there but she can't get up to sitting on her own yet.

It's Over

Before Surgery

The surgery went well.

I asked the dr beforehand about what happens if the filter caught clots while it was in there and he said they'd know because when they tried to close it, it wouldn't close and then they'd leave it in forever. Well, as you can tell, that didn't happen. I woke up just as they were finishing up and I know I was still a little out of it because I asked the same question a number of times (where there any clots and can I see the filter?) and I could have sworn they told me to leave the orange iodine on for 96 hours, but that's not true. So before they took me out of the OR, they showed me the filter and it was probably roughly about 3 inches long, metal wires like an umbrella, with no wire mesh. It had quite a few small clots stuck to the wires and I asked if I could keep it to which they said no, I'm not sure why though, do you think they recycle those things? Ewww...

After Surgery

Then the nurse asked me to sit up and my pillow fell down and this is what was underneath. Yuck.

So it appears that everything's fine. It hurts to move my neck, or swallow, yawn etc and the seatbelt in the van hits my neck in exactly the spot of the incision. I'm not supposed to lift anything over 20 lbs for the next week, not like I'd do that anyway with my back. By the way, my back is feeling MUCH better! I'm not taking any pain pills anymore, even at night, and I'm not taking too many tylenol during the day. Don't get me wrong, it still hurts, but nothing like before.

Surgery is Tomorrow

And I have to admit, I'm a little scared. From what the nurses and dr's are acting like, it seems that removing an ivc filter is a routine procedure. I mean, it's outpatient for heaven's sake! The part that gets me though is that they don't do any testing beforehand (like an ultrasound) to see if the filter has actually caught any clots. If it has, then the clots should come out with the filter, but I've been hearing of some exceptions and well, I seem to be the special exception these days. I'm going to talk to the dr about it tomorrow in pre-op and hopefully he'll reassure me. Last time, when they were going to put the filter in as I was laying in the pre-op room, I said to the nurses and the anesthesiologist, 'Please don't kill me.' I'm still not sure if I was joking or serious, probably both.

Today I made a long list of my username/passwords for all the cites Tony would need in case I died and which bills get paid out of what etc. I also got to go scouring the filing cabinet for my living will and medical power of attorney to make a copy to bring along to the surgery...I kind of feel like I'm preparing for my demise. Although, there's a whole lot more I should do if that's the case! Anyhow, the girls are out with my parents because the nurse said I shouldn't watch them for 24 hours after the surgery. I just got back from dropping them off and while I was on the porch saying goodbye to Embry she wouldn't say she loved me. Then once I got in the car she started yelling, 'bye mommy! I love you!' and waving...so cute! Then apparently Nola will only eat our vegetable baby foods if I'm the one feeding her, weird, but true. She gagged a ton the other day when Tony tried to feed her summer vegetables and my mom keeps telling me she doesn't like the green beans, but she eats both of them just fine for me!

Anyhow, wish me luck and I'll try to post afterward to say how it all went!

Care Package Etc

After getting home from the long awaited appt with the neurosurgeon, what to my wondering eyes should appear? But a priority mail box from a friend not so near. It was filled with lots and lots of fun stuff from my friend Missy and her family and it made me feel so loved! Here are its contents:*not pictured: a wonderful card with messages from Missy, her husband, her brother, her sister, her mom, and her dad! Oh and Lindor Truffles!

• Neurosurgeon Visit: It went well in the regard that he was very informative and showed me my mri and ct scan from the hospital. He showed me the part where he saw bleeding around L3 vertebrae and pointed out that it was actually a clot (go figure, I can't get away from those suckers!) and it was right in the vertebrae fracture line so he was worried that if it continued, a chunk of that vertebrae would have actually broken off. Let me say I'm glad he caught that one because that sounds pretty painful. When he was scrolling through the testing I had done from the hospital and radiology ltd, he was like 'oh you got a dexa scan?' Which is the bone density scan I had just done 2 days earlier and I asked if he could look through the results of that since none of my drs had called me about it yet. So after he showed me the other stuff, he read through the dexa scan and kept saying 'Ooh. Oh. Oooh.' Like not in a good way. Then he said that I have Osteopenia. Specifically the 'socket' part of the left hip was like -1.8 and the 'ball' of that hip was around -2.4. Normal is 0, anything between -1.1 and -2.4 is Osteopenia, and anything lower than -2.5 is osteoporosis. He agreed that the bone loss could be part of the reason that my vertebrae got fractured from my fall into the soft sand. He said since I'm so young (I seem to be hearing that a lot lately) I could probably reverse the bone loss with tons of supplements and I need to have my level of vitamin D3 checked. He said it would be a good idea to do strength training to improve my bone strength and that I could start trying out yoga and really low impact things like a recumbent bike in about a week. Oh and big news is, I get to try to take care of the girls by myself starting Tuesday! Nola is about the heaviest thing I should try lifting at this point at about 16 lbs, wish me luck! Silver lining in all this is that the rheumatologist that my hematologist wanted me to see is willing to see my now even though he's not contracted with my insurance. So yay for getting away from the sucky rheumatologist I have now!
• Rheumatology Visit: eh well, you know, it sucked as usual. I don't like this guy. Basically he just checked my head for lesions because my hair has been falling out in masses since I was in the hospital the first time. No lesions. I told him I wanted to get on Benlysta (the first lupus drug to be approved in over 40 years with some amazing testimonies to it's effectiveness) as soon as humanly possible. He said that he doesn't know exactly what the point of their trials were and he's seen no reason it should be used over the other treatments they have like using cellcept or other extremely harsh meds. Hello!? Benlysta actually stops your B cells from attacking like maniacs and allows your body time to heal itself! Just the thought that at some point in my life I might be able to feel 'normal' again makes me giddy. Other than that, it's dang expensive, like 2k/month and I'm not sure my insurance would cover it.

Today was our 6 year wedding anniversary! We took the kiddos out to my parent's house at around 11am and left them there to spend the night. They're so adorable! I just want to love on them all day long! Embry says the cutest things and I laugh all the time at the crazy stuff that comes out of her mouth. Recently as a response to her doing something good, she says, 'You will be so happy for me!' The other day Tony was wearing his pajama shorts and she goes to Tony, E: 'are these your shorts?'

T: 'yes those are my pajama shorts.'

E: 'that's your butt in there!' while pointing

The cutest part though is how much she accentuates the 't's on butt. Argh, so cute!

And Nola, well, she's just adorable. I love her big cheekies and her little rosebud lips. She's got her two little bottom teeth now too which makes for even cuter baby smiles. She's doing 360 rolls all over the place and she's kinda started to figure out how to scoot herself backwards. She laughs at things Embry does all the time, it's so cute!

Anyway, I got on a tangent there. The anniversary was good! We had lunch at the Olive Garden and then did some shopping where we found great deals on workout clothes for both me and Tony. I also got a few new tank tops because not only did I need some in general but with this back brace all of my tops are super tight to pull over it and try to hide it. The shopping was hard for me, hard to stand and walk that long, but we took many breaks to sit and rest. Then we went to see 'Thor' which, surprisingly, I really enjoyed. Then we came home and our wonderful friend Katie made us a delicious pot roast (seriously, one of my favorite meals) and we watched 'Beyond Borders' from Netflix which was quite depressing, but I got an anniversary foot massage, so it was worth it.

I've been thinking a lot about life lately. Why certain things happen...I guess I won't know for a long time. In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy every second I have with those who I love, especially my kids. Recently a girl that I knew from school in Wisconsin lost one of her 6 month old triplet boys. They don't even know what happened, he just stopped breathing, I mean how terrifying must that have been for her? I can't even imagine, I don't want to, but I know it's been weighing heavy on my heart ever since I read her blog. I don't know why these things happen, but I've been making sure to love on my babies so much more because of them. Please stop by Melissa's Blog and pray for her and her family or leave a word of encouragement. Life is precious, please don't waste a moment of it.

The other night, Nola was uncharacteristically whining in her crib long after she had gone to sleep. I decided that maybe something was wrong, so I went into the nursery and checked on her. Besides having a wet diaper, she was fine, so I changed her and then sat and rocked her for as long as my back could stand. I hadn't gotten the chance to do that with her yet. I went into the hospital when she was 6 weeks old and when I got out, I could barely hold her. Then she started sleeping through the night so she never needed me. Then this horse accident happened and once again I wasn't allowed to lift her. Things happen, people get busy, but I'm determined to remember what is important in this life and make time for long snuggles and saying 'I love you' and really meaning it.

Nola is 7 Months Old!

Good News

My echo cardiogram came back perfecto! It's pumping at 55-60% which is perfectly normal. My hospitalist said it must have been divine intervention that kept me from dying back in December...truer words were never spoken! Also, my chest CT looked good. There's a bit of residual fluid and scarring at the bottom of the lungs, but that's to be expected and they'll just keep getting better with time.

It's Lost

I feel like I've lost my funny.

You know, I used to see all these things, day to day things, and think, oh gosh that's funny! I need to blog about that! Sometimes I still get it back. Like when I was standing on wobbly legs in the middle of a wash, Tony pretty much holding me up while I wiped my snot on his shirt, and I looked at him, whined, and said 'why did I have to get the stupid horse?' Or when the nurse tripped on something in my room, let an explicative fly, looked at me and apologized profusely. I don't say, 'oh it's ok, no worries!' Instead I say 'that's it! You're fired! Where's security?!' I guess in situations where there seems to be no imminent light at the end of the tunnel, I turn to humor because, really, what else can you do?

I used to laugh...a LOT. Now, I guess life just doesn't seem that funny anymore. I'm kind of in a funk of wondering why these bad things keep happening to me when I try to hard to do the 'right' thing and yet I see people all the time being 'rewarded' (or what seems as being rewarded) for doing the 'wrong' thing. I don't want some amazing life with lots of money and a huge house and hours spent lounging by the pool while the maid washes the windows, I just want a normal life. I wonder all the time how incredible it would be if I was healed. I mean, if I could run around with my kids and roll on the ground and laugh...I don't think that's a whole lot to ask for, but the thought of other people having that ability and not fully enjoying it, well it's turned me into a grouch.

In no way am I perfect (hahaha, let's all take a moment to laugh. Ok that's long enough.) and I don't deserve anything more than anyone else, but geez, can't a girl catch a break?! Now is the part where I get mad at myself for feeling this way because I'm blessed in a million ways, more than I could ever name. When I first called my mom from the ER when I found out about my back, she said 'why does this stuff have to keep happening to you?' I know it was a rhetorical question, but all I said was, 'well it could have been A LOT worse' so all I should feel is thankful that I'm still alive and didn't get trampled or hit my head on a rock or gotten paralyzed.

When I think about it all in the short term I'm reminded of how far I've come since Dec when I was literally on the brink of death and I think, 'it's only 6 weeks. If I make it for 6 weeks, then everything will be ok.' I now realize that I never asked if there was going to be any lasting damage from this injury, but from the way the drs talked about it, it seemed it would all just repair itself. I guess the only thing to do is pray about it and trust that God knows what he's doing.

Dear God,
I just want my funny back. You know what I mean. I love you.
---Leatrice

Here is a print out of my CT scan. You can see the 4 vertebrae above the tailbone are not square, they're squished. I've lowed my dose of pain meds, but quickly found out that if I try to lower them too much it becomes quite unbearable. I'm having mixed emotions about all of this. I'm upset that I was only 'normal' for like a month and then got sent right back to not being able to function again because of some stupid horse. I'm sad that I don't get to watch my kids or play with them when they are home, but also happy that I have so many friends and family that are willing to watch them during the day when tony is working. I really appreciate all the help and we definitely couldn't make it without the help, I just wish I didn't need it in the first place. Every morning when I wake up, I think, this will be the day where I am all better! Then I try to get out of bed and realize, nope, not today.

Anyhow, I saw the hematologist today and he said my blood tests came back normal. He wants me to see this certain rheumatologist that is also a bone specialist. Of course he's not contracted with my insurance, but the hematologist talked to him and he said he'd see me for free if I have an abnormal bone density. That means I'll be going in for a bone density scan sometime.



Nola is babbling a lot more. She's making ga, da, ra sounds and just being cute overall. She loves playing in her jumperoo (she's fallen asleep in there a few times recently) and scoots herself backwards in her walker. We've been giving her baby food before giving her formula and she seems to like most of it pretty well and is actually swallowing it. She hates the meat ones, although they're only in the level 1 baby foods so we're thinking they don't taste too appealing. Tony took her to her 6 month dr appt last Tues (5/10) and she said we could stop the acid reflux meds since she was spitting up less (although I don't really understand that) and she prescribed some nystatin cream for her diaper rash. I obviously didn't get to go since I was in the hospital, but Tony brought home a paper with her stats:
Height: 27" (>75%)
Weight: 16lbs 3oz (50%)
Head: 40.5 cm (5%)

Embry has been doing pretty well going on the potty with all of this shuffling around from house to house. I was hoping it wouldn't derail our progress. She's had a few 'accidents' here and there, but we figured out that if we send along her potty chair, she tends to do better. She sure is getting a lot of time to play with her friends through all of this!