Nola is 8 Months Old!

Almost 8 Months Old!

In 2 days Nola will be 8 months old! Time sure does fly! She's cutting her front left tooth. Tony says he can see it poking through and feel it, but I still haven't confirmed that. She was super fussy on Wed and then started getting a runny nose on Thurs (which I figured was from teething) and now she's got a full blown cold. Poor baby. I'm listening to her cough on the baby monitor right now. :/ She still isn't crawling, but she scoots around on the floor well enough and she can stay sitting up without falling over for a LONG time. She also now loves to go swimming and splash in the water when I take her out of her floatie. Pulling hair is one of her favorite hobbies and she especially likes to pull Embry's because Embry will cuddle her and give Nola the perfect opportunity to grab a fistful (or 2) of hair. She also enjoys pulling the cat's fur, but they usually don't stick around long enough for her to get much.

Father's day was this past Sunday and I think Tony enjoyed himself. Embry gave him the airplane she painted for him at Color Me Mine the pottery place and I gave him a card and a photo collage of him and the girls. We went to church that morning and then came home to eat KFC with my parents and go for a dip in the pool. Then we had cake that my mom made and some ice cream and that's about it.

Tony with the girls on Father's Day

We finally met our nephew, baby Micah James, on Sunday (6/19/11) when tony's mom and sister came down from Phoenix to visit. He's so cute! I've always had a thing for Asian babies and he's half Philipino, so needless to say, he's adorable. Embry totally loved him, as she does all babies, but she kept going up to us, pointing, and saying, 'That's Micah! He's my cousin!' Nola obviously didn't know who he was, but she seemed to enjoy being around another baby. It made me a little sad to think that she'll never get to be a big sister...

Me and Micah

Embry, Nola, and Micah

Photo of Micah in the backyard

Anyhow, I hosted my first playdate for the year yesterday. It was so fun! I didn't realize how much I missed having my mom friends over and their kiddos. I used to really stress about being judged for the state of my house, or the grease splattered behind my stove, or the ring around the toilet bowl, but I've come to realize two things:

1) these are not the things that really matter in life, and,
2) we're all just trying to do our best to make it through infant, toddler, and mommyhood. So even if we did have a second to check out our friend's glass tabletop for fingerprints and jelly smudges in between wrangling a spazzing 2 year old and comforting a teething baby, we wouldn't care because we're all just doing our best and that's all we can do.

Back to the playdate- we went swimming! It's been getting super hot here (like 110) and there's not much to do except stay inside or SWIM! It was lots of fun getting all the kiddos in the water and splashing around. Embry had a good time dumping cupfuls of water in her crocs over and over again and we all enjoyed some popsicles in the sun afterward. I'm going to attempt to host one every 2 weeks or so and see how it goes.

Nola and Ryan before swimming

Embry with her popsicle after swimming

We'd like to plan a weekend trip to Phoenix sometime soon as well. We have a thing from livingsocial for a night's stay at a resort up there that also has a waterpark, so Tony and I were going to drop the kiddos off with Dorothea and have some fun on our own. Of course I feel guilty not letting Embry join in on the fun, but she's too small for any of the slides anyway so what would be the point?

My back and hips still hurt like coo-coo-ca-choo-coo (one of our favorite phrases in this house), but I go to see the neurosurgeon on Monday and hopefully he can help me somehow. My back is also doing some weird popping kind of thing when I twist or turn in certain ways. I have super news though! The new rheumatologist's office called and said that they were going to go through my insurance even though they're not contracted with them, so woohoo! I got myself a new (and hopefully good/knowledgeable/caring) rheumy! I go see him on July 1, exactly 1 week from today. :)

Oh also, the white car is like messed up. It's something with the fuel pressure being too low so it's having trouble starting. It'd cost like $700 to fix it and the stupid car is only worth about that much money, believe me, I checked KBB...so we're kind of wavering between trying to see if Tony's dad can fix it (although that would only save us the labor costs and the parts alone are like $400), driving it like it is until it really goes kaput, or searching craigslist for a small (and hopefully not too expensive) Toyota or Honda. I'm sooo done with American cars. Sorry, but they just suck like hard core. Also, the 'maintenance required' light came on in the van. Hoping that just needs like an oil change, that's considered 'maintenance' right?!

Huh?

I got a call from the neurosurgeon's office today to say that the Dr looked over my x-ray and that there is 'no change' in my vertebrae since my accident. So naturally I go, 'uh, what does that mean?' and she (the assistant) says, 'I'm not really sure. Did he talk to you about any follow up treatment or anything?' Uh, no. I have an appt to see him again on the 27, so I guess we'll figure out what all that means then.

I never really thought about what it would mean if my back actually didn't get better. I just trusted it'd go back to normal in 6-8 weeks and I'd be back at it...going to playdates, taking the girls places, going swimming, etc.

The new rheumatologist said he'd see me once and the office manager won't allow him to set up a payment through my insurance. So I guess that means he'll see me once and that's it. I'm not sure exactly what I'm supposed to achieve by seeing him once, but I'll give it a shot.

Nola seems to be really close to crawling, but I thought the same thing about rolling over and that took FOREVER! So obviously I'll post if anything develops on the crawling front, but as of now she's just up on all 4's and rocking back and forth. She can also stay sitting up for a while by herself if I put her there but she can't get up to sitting on her own yet.

It's Over

Before Surgery

The surgery went well.

I asked the dr beforehand about what happens if the filter caught clots while it was in there and he said they'd know because when they tried to close it, it wouldn't close and then they'd leave it in forever. Well, as you can tell, that didn't happen. I woke up just as they were finishing up and I know I was still a little out of it because I asked the same question a number of times (where there any clots and can I see the filter?) and I could have sworn they told me to leave the orange iodine on for 96 hours, but that's not true. So before they took me out of the OR, they showed me the filter and it was probably roughly about 3 inches long, metal wires like an umbrella, with no wire mesh. It had quite a few small clots stuck to the wires and I asked if I could keep it to which they said no, I'm not sure why though, do you think they recycle those things? Ewww...

After Surgery

Then the nurse asked me to sit up and my pillow fell down and this is what was underneath. Yuck.

So it appears that everything's fine. It hurts to move my neck, or swallow, yawn etc and the seatbelt in the van hits my neck in exactly the spot of the incision. I'm not supposed to lift anything over 20 lbs for the next week, not like I'd do that anyway with my back. By the way, my back is feeling MUCH better! I'm not taking any pain pills anymore, even at night, and I'm not taking too many tylenol during the day. Don't get me wrong, it still hurts, but nothing like before.

Surgery is Tomorrow

And I have to admit, I'm a little scared. From what the nurses and dr's are acting like, it seems that removing an ivc filter is a routine procedure. I mean, it's outpatient for heaven's sake! The part that gets me though is that they don't do any testing beforehand (like an ultrasound) to see if the filter has actually caught any clots. If it has, then the clots should come out with the filter, but I've been hearing of some exceptions and well, I seem to be the special exception these days. I'm going to talk to the dr about it tomorrow in pre-op and hopefully he'll reassure me. Last time, when they were going to put the filter in as I was laying in the pre-op room, I said to the nurses and the anesthesiologist, 'Please don't kill me.' I'm still not sure if I was joking or serious, probably both.

Today I made a long list of my username/passwords for all the cites Tony would need in case I died and which bills get paid out of what etc. I also got to go scouring the filing cabinet for my living will and medical power of attorney to make a copy to bring along to the surgery...I kind of feel like I'm preparing for my demise. Although, there's a whole lot more I should do if that's the case! Anyhow, the girls are out with my parents because the nurse said I shouldn't watch them for 24 hours after the surgery. I just got back from dropping them off and while I was on the porch saying goodbye to Embry she wouldn't say she loved me. Then once I got in the car she started yelling, 'bye mommy! I love you!' and waving...so cute! Then apparently Nola will only eat our vegetable baby foods if I'm the one feeding her, weird, but true. She gagged a ton the other day when Tony tried to feed her summer vegetables and my mom keeps telling me she doesn't like the green beans, but she eats both of them just fine for me!

Anyhow, wish me luck and I'll try to post afterward to say how it all went!

Care Package Etc

After getting home from the long awaited appt with the neurosurgeon, what to my wondering eyes should appear? But a priority mail box from a friend not so near. It was filled with lots and lots of fun stuff from my friend Missy and her family and it made me feel so loved! Here are its contents:*not pictured: a wonderful card with messages from Missy, her husband, her brother, her sister, her mom, and her dad! Oh and Lindor Truffles!

• Neurosurgeon Visit: It went well in the regard that he was very informative and showed me my mri and ct scan from the hospital. He showed me the part where he saw bleeding around L3 vertebrae and pointed out that it was actually a clot (go figure, I can't get away from those suckers!) and it was right in the vertebrae fracture line so he was worried that if it continued, a chunk of that vertebrae would have actually broken off. Let me say I'm glad he caught that one because that sounds pretty painful. When he was scrolling through the testing I had done from the hospital and radiology ltd, he was like 'oh you got a dexa scan?' Which is the bone density scan I had just done 2 days earlier and I asked if he could look through the results of that since none of my drs had called me about it yet. So after he showed me the other stuff, he read through the dexa scan and kept saying 'Ooh. Oh. Oooh.' Like not in a good way. Then he said that I have Osteopenia. Specifically the 'socket' part of the left hip was like -1.8 and the 'ball' of that hip was around -2.4. Normal is 0, anything between -1.1 and -2.4 is Osteopenia, and anything lower than -2.5 is osteoporosis. He agreed that the bone loss could be part of the reason that my vertebrae got fractured from my fall into the soft sand. He said since I'm so young (I seem to be hearing that a lot lately) I could probably reverse the bone loss with tons of supplements and I need to have my level of vitamin D3 checked. He said it would be a good idea to do strength training to improve my bone strength and that I could start trying out yoga and really low impact things like a recumbent bike in about a week. Oh and big news is, I get to try to take care of the girls by myself starting Tuesday! Nola is about the heaviest thing I should try lifting at this point at about 16 lbs, wish me luck! Silver lining in all this is that the rheumatologist that my hematologist wanted me to see is willing to see my now even though he's not contracted with my insurance. So yay for getting away from the sucky rheumatologist I have now!
• Rheumatology Visit: eh well, you know, it sucked as usual. I don't like this guy. Basically he just checked my head for lesions because my hair has been falling out in masses since I was in the hospital the first time. No lesions. I told him I wanted to get on Benlysta (the first lupus drug to be approved in over 40 years with some amazing testimonies to it's effectiveness) as soon as humanly possible. He said that he doesn't know exactly what the point of their trials were and he's seen no reason it should be used over the other treatments they have like using cellcept or other extremely harsh meds. Hello!? Benlysta actually stops your B cells from attacking like maniacs and allows your body time to heal itself! Just the thought that at some point in my life I might be able to feel 'normal' again makes me giddy. Other than that, it's dang expensive, like 2k/month and I'm not sure my insurance would cover it.

Today was our 6 year wedding anniversary! We took the kiddos out to my parent's house at around 11am and left them there to spend the night. They're so adorable! I just want to love on them all day long! Embry says the cutest things and I laugh all the time at the crazy stuff that comes out of her mouth. Recently as a response to her doing something good, she says, 'You will be so happy for me!' The other day Tony was wearing his pajama shorts and she goes to Tony, E: 'are these your shorts?'

T: 'yes those are my pajama shorts.'

E: 'that's your butt in there!' while pointing

The cutest part though is how much she accentuates the 't's on butt. Argh, so cute!

And Nola, well, she's just adorable. I love her big cheekies and her little rosebud lips. She's got her two little bottom teeth now too which makes for even cuter baby smiles. She's doing 360 rolls all over the place and she's kinda started to figure out how to scoot herself backwards. She laughs at things Embry does all the time, it's so cute!

Anyway, I got on a tangent there. The anniversary was good! We had lunch at the Olive Garden and then did some shopping where we found great deals on workout clothes for both me and Tony. I also got a few new tank tops because not only did I need some in general but with this back brace all of my tops are super tight to pull over it and try to hide it. The shopping was hard for me, hard to stand and walk that long, but we took many breaks to sit and rest. Then we went to see 'Thor' which, surprisingly, I really enjoyed. Then we came home and our wonderful friend Katie made us a delicious pot roast (seriously, one of my favorite meals) and we watched 'Beyond Borders' from Netflix which was quite depressing, but I got an anniversary foot massage, so it was worth it.

I've been thinking a lot about life lately. Why certain things happen...I guess I won't know for a long time. In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy every second I have with those who I love, especially my kids. Recently a girl that I knew from school in Wisconsin lost one of her 6 month old triplet boys. They don't even know what happened, he just stopped breathing, I mean how terrifying must that have been for her? I can't even imagine, I don't want to, but I know it's been weighing heavy on my heart ever since I read her blog. I don't know why these things happen, but I've been making sure to love on my babies so much more because of them. Please stop by Melissa's Blog and pray for her and her family or leave a word of encouragement. Life is precious, please don't waste a moment of it.

The other night, Nola was uncharacteristically whining in her crib long after she had gone to sleep. I decided that maybe something was wrong, so I went into the nursery and checked on her. Besides having a wet diaper, she was fine, so I changed her and then sat and rocked her for as long as my back could stand. I hadn't gotten the chance to do that with her yet. I went into the hospital when she was 6 weeks old and when I got out, I could barely hold her. Then she started sleeping through the night so she never needed me. Then this horse accident happened and once again I wasn't allowed to lift her. Things happen, people get busy, but I'm determined to remember what is important in this life and make time for long snuggles and saying 'I love you' and really meaning it.

Nola is 7 Months Old!

Good News

My echo cardiogram came back perfecto! It's pumping at 55-60% which is perfectly normal. My hospitalist said it must have been divine intervention that kept me from dying back in December...truer words were never spoken! Also, my chest CT looked good. There's a bit of residual fluid and scarring at the bottom of the lungs, but that's to be expected and they'll just keep getting better with time.

It's Lost

I feel like I've lost my funny.

You know, I used to see all these things, day to day things, and think, oh gosh that's funny! I need to blog about that! Sometimes I still get it back. Like when I was standing on wobbly legs in the middle of a wash, Tony pretty much holding me up while I wiped my snot on his shirt, and I looked at him, whined, and said 'why did I have to get the stupid horse?' Or when the nurse tripped on something in my room, let an explicative fly, looked at me and apologized profusely. I don't say, 'oh it's ok, no worries!' Instead I say 'that's it! You're fired! Where's security?!' I guess in situations where there seems to be no imminent light at the end of the tunnel, I turn to humor because, really, what else can you do?

I used to laugh...a LOT. Now, I guess life just doesn't seem that funny anymore. I'm kind of in a funk of wondering why these bad things keep happening to me when I try to hard to do the 'right' thing and yet I see people all the time being 'rewarded' (or what seems as being rewarded) for doing the 'wrong' thing. I don't want some amazing life with lots of money and a huge house and hours spent lounging by the pool while the maid washes the windows, I just want a normal life. I wonder all the time how incredible it would be if I was healed. I mean, if I could run around with my kids and roll on the ground and laugh...I don't think that's a whole lot to ask for, but the thought of other people having that ability and not fully enjoying it, well it's turned me into a grouch.

In no way am I perfect (hahaha, let's all take a moment to laugh. Ok that's long enough.) and I don't deserve anything more than anyone else, but geez, can't a girl catch a break?! Now is the part where I get mad at myself for feeling this way because I'm blessed in a million ways, more than I could ever name. When I first called my mom from the ER when I found out about my back, she said 'why does this stuff have to keep happening to you?' I know it was a rhetorical question, but all I said was, 'well it could have been A LOT worse' so all I should feel is thankful that I'm still alive and didn't get trampled or hit my head on a rock or gotten paralyzed.

When I think about it all in the short term I'm reminded of how far I've come since Dec when I was literally on the brink of death and I think, 'it's only 6 weeks. If I make it for 6 weeks, then everything will be ok.' I now realize that I never asked if there was going to be any lasting damage from this injury, but from the way the drs talked about it, it seemed it would all just repair itself. I guess the only thing to do is pray about it and trust that God knows what he's doing.

Dear God,
I just want my funny back. You know what I mean. I love you.
---Leatrice

Here is a print out of my CT scan. You can see the 4 vertebrae above the tailbone are not square, they're squished. I've lowed my dose of pain meds, but quickly found out that if I try to lower them too much it becomes quite unbearable. I'm having mixed emotions about all of this. I'm upset that I was only 'normal' for like a month and then got sent right back to not being able to function again because of some stupid horse. I'm sad that I don't get to watch my kids or play with them when they are home, but also happy that I have so many friends and family that are willing to watch them during the day when tony is working. I really appreciate all the help and we definitely couldn't make it without the help, I just wish I didn't need it in the first place. Every morning when I wake up, I think, this will be the day where I am all better! Then I try to get out of bed and realize, nope, not today.

Anyhow, I saw the hematologist today and he said my blood tests came back normal. He wants me to see this certain rheumatologist that is also a bone specialist. Of course he's not contracted with my insurance, but the hematologist talked to him and he said he'd see me for free if I have an abnormal bone density. That means I'll be going in for a bone density scan sometime.



Nola is babbling a lot more. She's making ga, da, ra sounds and just being cute overall. She loves playing in her jumperoo (she's fallen asleep in there a few times recently) and scoots herself backwards in her walker. We've been giving her baby food before giving her formula and she seems to like most of it pretty well and is actually swallowing it. She hates the meat ones, although they're only in the level 1 baby foods so we're thinking they don't taste too appealing. Tony took her to her 6 month dr appt last Tues (5/10) and she said we could stop the acid reflux meds since she was spitting up less (although I don't really understand that) and she prescribed some nystatin cream for her diaper rash. I obviously didn't get to go since I was in the hospital, but Tony brought home a paper with her stats:
Height: 27" (>75%)
Weight: 16lbs 3oz (50%)
Head: 40.5 cm (5%)

Embry has been doing pretty well going on the potty with all of this shuffling around from house to house. I was hoping it wouldn't derail our progress. She's had a few 'accidents' here and there, but we figured out that if we send along her potty chair, she tends to do better. She sure is getting a lot of time to play with her friends through all of this!

Horse back riding = pain

Here's the deal: I got bucked off a horse on Saturday and the only picture I got was of Tony's backside while he was trying to get on his horse. Really this is quite ridiculous.

The Story: We bought some tickets through living social a while back for a 90 minute horseback trail ride at Pantano Stables. I wanted to go for my birthday last year, but I was 8 months pregnant and in a bit of pain, so I decided not to. The tickets expired on May 13, so we needed to use them last weekend. We dropped the kiddos off with Danielle at 7:30am on Saturday and drove over to the stables. We were riding with about 7 other clients (4 little girls and 3 adult women) and 2 'wranglers' that work at the stables. We were the last 2 to get on our horses. While one of the women was mounting her horse, she said she was an experienced rider and wanted a horse with a little bit of spunk. Naturally I say, 'I'd like a horse that's exactly the opposite of that, like if he was any slower, he'd be going backwards!' They gave Tony and I what they deemed as tame horses and we were on our way.

There was a wrangler leading the pack and a wrangler behind me bringing up the rear. We went down into the wash to start the ride and I asked the wrangler if he'd seen many rattlesnakes out there on the trail rides and he said, 'well, me personally, no. -pause- but this is my first time doing this.' Turns out he normally drives the stage coach out at Old Tucson but the stables were busy that day so he came over to help out. A girl that was riding about 4 horses in front of me had one of those horses where they just mosey along and try to eat any tree or bush in site, so the wrangler rode up next to her to make sure her horse didn't get too far behind.

All was well, we zig zagged from the left side of the wash, to the middle, the left again. I noticed that when my horse went downhill, he would sorta trot for a few steps, which was fine with me, whatever. Then we crossed over to the right side of the wash, went uphill a bit, and made our u-turn to start the ride back. Before we started going downhill again, my horse started to poo. Earlier in the ride, the wranglers said to stop if the horse needed to pee, but to make them keep walking if they were pooping. I let him stop for a few seconds to figure out what he was doing, then made him keep walking. Then we got to the hill down into the wash and after he took the first couple steps, he bucked and I went flying. It was uphill on our left, and downhill on our right. I flew out of the saddle towards the right side while yelling 'aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh.' I did a sort of sommersault/roll mid-air and hung onto the reigns while I was in the air. I could hear Tony calling my name as I was flying. I closed my eyes and landed on the back of my right hip and rolled onto my left side. Somewhere in there I let go of the reigns. As I was on the ground I could hear the horses hooves beating on the ground and I just kept thing 'oh God don't let him step on me!' Luckily he didn't.

The wrangler that was supposed to be behind me got off his horse and came over. There was blood mixed with a clear fluid (I'm guessing maybe snot) dripping out of my nose and I had those prickers all over my clothes. Luckily I landed in the 'soft' wash sand. If I had landed further down there were a lot of rocks and if I had gone off the other side it would have been closer to the ground, but also on very hard ground. The wrangler asked if I could move and if I wanted to try to stand up. I didn't really think I should move in case my back was hurt, so I was getting a little agitated and said (in a not so friendly way) 'call 911, doesn't anyone have a cell phone?!' Tony said something about my hips and kept asking if he could get off his horse. I told the guy I have bad hips and he wanted to to roll onto my back, so eventually I did, which hurt SO bad. Then I went back to my side, then to my knees, and I stood up with the help of a wrangler and Tony. An employee drove his truck down through the wash to pick me up. That truck ride was a bit bumpy and really painful and when we got back to the stables, the fire truck with emt's arrived right away. They put me on a flat board, put on a neck brace, and taped me down the the board (including a huge chunk of my hair). My bp was quite high, like 190/130 and eventually the ambulance got there and took me to the hospital.

I was in so much pain on that flat board, I can't even tell you. It was definitely worse than giving birth without an epidural! I asked everyone (the emt's, the ambulance guy, the nurses in er) if I could have pain meds. The first 2 didn't even have any and then some guy (I'm not sure if he was a nurse or what) in the ER said, 'well first we're going to get your IV in, then we're going to do some x-rays, then maybe we'll talk about pain meds'. I swear I almost slugged him, jerk. Then my actual nurse came over (super nice) and I asked her and she said, 'oh I'm giving those to you right away!' and had them in her hand.

Once I went to CT, they got me off the flat board (yay) and saw that my L2-5 vertebrae (lower back) have compression fractures from the impact of the fall. Later they did an MRI which showed that there was bleeding around L3 so they needed to stop my blood thinners. Doing so would mean they'd have to do surgery to put in a temporary clot filter in my groin area. I did that under conscious sedation and I'm happy to say I don't remember a thing. Then they gave me 2 bags of plasma to help clotting and another 2 the next night.

I have a back brace to wear while sitting or standing for the next 6-8 weeks. I'm supposed to keep as much pressure off of my back as possible which means to picking up the kids or cookware or doing any housework or anything that could make me twist. It's supposed to heal on it's own in about 6 weeks, but I have an appt with the neurosurgeon to see how it's progressing in 2 weeks. The hematologist also said that one of my clotting factor blood tests came back funky, so he repeated it and I have an appt to discuss that with him next week. I get to inject myself with low dose blood thinners for 14 days and then they'll decide if they're going to take out the clot filter and start me back on the pill blood thinners again.

I got out of the hospital yesterday and I'm feeling better today. I just have to make sure to stay on top of my pain meds. I was getting quite nauseous in the hospital with the pain killers (they started with diloted, then morphine, and now I'm on oxycodone) so I'm taking some anti nausea meds too.

Nola is 6 Months Old!

Nola turned 6 months old on April 26! Her 2nd tooth started coming through a few days after her first. It's the other front bottom one. She seems to be in a better moood now that they've both popped through the gums. Yay! She's done a couple of 360 rolls too, so I'm sure she'll figure out soon that she can get into stuff if she rolls far enough. I'd say she's still spitting up about the same amount, maybe a smidge less, but I don't think the medicine is working as it should. She has her 6 month appt next week, so I'll ask about it then. She's doing really well overall and is sooo smiley! I love her!

Embry has been sick for about a week, but is markedly improved today. Her poo finally solidified (yay!) and she hasn't thrown up for about 36 hours, so I'd say she's over whatever it was. It started out as what I thought was a 24 stomach bug. She thew up at night and then not again for 4 days, then we tried to go camping this weekend (which she was SO excited about) and halfway up the mountain she threw up all over the back of my seat. Then 2 more times at the campsite and then I took her home to spend the night at our house where she got sick 3 more times. My mom came over the next morning with Nola (who she was going to watch at her house while we were camping) and stayed here with Embry. She got sick 3 more times while I was gone that day which prompted Tony and I to finally give in and come home from the camping trip. All in all, it was pretty much an utter failure. I guess we just weren't meant to go camping last weekend. Did I mention that the campsite was about 2 hours away? Oh well, maybe next time it will work out. That's life with kids: unpredictable.

Good news is my hips were feeling significantly better the past week or so. Although after going on a 'hike' (as in, I turned around 1 mile into a 5 mile hike) they're not feeling quite as good. I am hoping for the best for the hip thing, that was pretty bad for a while. I had my repeat chest CT scan today and should get the results in a couple days. I was supposed to have my repeat echo cardiogram too, but they called and rescheduled it for tomorrow since one of the techs was out today. I was actually supposed to have it last week, but then Embry got sick.

My Hip

The dr said this:
-the bone on the inside of both of my femurs has died, but it should regenerate on it's own based on my age
-the femoral head of my left hip (the ball part) is deteriorating but since it's not causing me a lot of pain, they're not doing anything about it
-my right hip is fine structurally, so he thinks it's bursitis and is sending me to physical therapy to teach me how to stretch it

Overall I didn't like him. Might partially be due to the fact that last time my dr told me to go to physical therapy to solve my pain issues, I ended up almost dead. Either way, he seemed condescending and I didn't want to ask him any questions or tell him about my other areas of bone pain because he didn't seem to give a rip. I asked if they shouldn't monitor the left hip to see if it deteriorates more and he said 'well if you start experiencing more pain in that hip then you should let me know.' I said, 'so it doesn't matter how much pressure I put on it, walking, running, that's all ok because you said it isn't going to break?' and he replied, 'well you shouldn't be running anyway due to your other health issues, but walking and regular activity would be fine.' So I take this to mean, I've just got to deal with the pain and move on.

23 weeks old

Nola at 23 weeks with grandpa Don

Me with Embry, Me with Nola

Embry, Me, Tony, Nola
(all about about 6 months old)

My appt with the orthopedic specialist is tomorrow morning, bright and early at 8:30. I'm excited because I'm hoping they'll have a good solution as to how to fix this pain. I'm also a bit nervous because I've gotten the response 'well, there's nothing we can do, so live with it' a lot in the past and I'm really hoping they don't say that. I forgot to mention about the pulmonologist, he said that he wants a repeat of the lung function test in a few months because it showed that the rate at which oxygen is going from my lungs into my blood is 52% and it's supposed to be at 100%. He thinks it's just because the test wasn't done very long after the whole incident so things might not be up to par just yet. Anyhow, I'm also slightly concerned because now my left shoulder, left hip, right knee, and right ankle are feeling about as good as my right hip. It's all very mysterious because remember before, like back when I was pregnant with Embry, I was getting those steroid shots in my shoulder and hip? Well, funny thing is, it's the opposite shoulder and hip now. Needless to say I'm not sleeping very well. It takes about 3 hours to fall asleep and then I roll from side to side about 15 times during the night, no joke. Tony has been giving Nola her 5am feeding so I can sleep, but I change her diaper, so after that it takes me another 1-2 hours to fall back asleep. Blah blah blah. I'll try to make a post tomorrow afternoon to update on what the dr says.

Nola is getting her first tooth! I found it yesterday on 4/20 after much feeling around and staring into her mouth while she tried to push my fingers out with her tongue. It's the front bottom left one (just like Embry) and it really helps to explain why she's been so fussy for the past week. I was really hoping she didn't actually turn into a fussy baby for good because I always brag about her being the good one. I tried to get a picture, but it didn't work out too well because the flash on my digital slr broke and I can't get the normal flash to pop up on it. She's also trying to sit up on her own. She does it in her bouncer and her swing now, she tries from laying down, but can only get her shoulders up so far. Due to the teething, she hasn't been taking very long naps which makes things a little difficult for me.

22 Weeks Old

Soooo, I don't mean to sound like a broken record here but my gosh, my hip hurts! I'm not sure how I'm going to make it till my orthopedic specialist appt on the 22nd much less do all the things that need to get done between now and then. I'm sure I'll manage, but I'm pretty sure it's just getting worse. Tony told me to call the dr but I don't know which dr to call since the one who ordered the mri is the hematologist and he doesn't need to see me anymore, my primary care dr I've only met once and she probably doesn't know about the hip yet, and the people at my insurance co clinic are hospitalists so they can't do anything. Even if I did call someone, I'm not sure what I'd say anyway...'Hi, I'm in a lot of pain. Help.' Update: called to see if they could move up my appt, they said no.

I went to see the pulmonologist last week and he said 'I'd be very very scared if you had to have surgery.' So if I do need a hip replacement, he doesn't want me to go on the heparin drip (like I was in the hospital) because he thinks that might have been part of the reason my platelets kept dropping. He also wants me to get a removable blood filter in case I were to clot while I'm off the blood thinners to keep the clots from going to my heart. He also ordered an echocardiogram and a chest ct. He said that when I had the first chest ct done, it showed some other foreign objects in my lung other than the clot, but he did say that sometimes a clot can make it look like there's more junk in there than there is. So basically he wants another one to make sure nothing else is in there. Needless to say, it wasn't a very 'inspiring' appt, but I'm glad he's actually making an effort to get stuff figured out.

Nola can roll over! She went from front to back and then the next day went from back to front. Now she seems to be doing back to front a lot and gets mad when she's on her stomach for too long. Her acid reflux meds are super hard to get her to actually swallow, so I think I might call and ask for the liquid stuff. She's still spitting up as much as ever. I think I might try real baby food soon and see how that goes. Update: asked for liquid prevacid instead (after trying to scrape all the dried disolvable tablet out of her neck folds this morning).

21 weeks

The results are in: the hip bone has died. The hematologist said he thinks the bone might be able to regenerate from the inside-out, but it's not his area of expertise so he's sending me to an orthopedist. They can't get me in until the 22nd, so I guess I'll find out then what the plan of action is. The hematologist sounded like they'd need to figure out whether the bone is still sturdy enough to last or not. So at least now I know why I'm in so much pain!

We went up to Phx over the weekend for Allison's baby shower. It was fun, but Embry got sick on Sunday so we came home early. No Renaissance festival, oh well, it would have been super hot anyway. Tony's mom and sis are moving into a 2 bedroom apt in June, so I'm not sure that we'll be able to go up and visit them much after that. They should be down here for Easter which is coming up pretty fast.

Tony and I went on a 'date' to the Old Spaghetti Factory while we were up there. I was not impressed with the food, but the atmosphere was neat. Our 'homework' assignment from our counseling session last week was for Tony to tell me what he felt while I was in the hospital and for me not to say anything, so we accomplished that. I feel like a weight has been lifted now that I know what he was thinking, that was really weighing me down.

Nola is still not rolling over although I've been working on it with her, so should be anytime now! She tried rice cereal and wasn't too impressed, but not opposed to it either. She did however spit most of it up a couple minutes after I was done feeding her. Haven't seen any results from her acid reflux med yet, although it says it could take 4-8 weeks to start working. Embry is doing really good with the potty...I'd say she's pretty much potty trained, fingers crossed!

Nola is 5 Months Old!

I took Nola for her 4 mo check up on 3/29 (over a month late) and here are her stats:
weight: 14lbs 5oz (25-50%)
Height: 25" (25-50%)
Head: 39.5 cm (<5th %)
The dr said she should be rolling over between 4-6mos and that we should work on it with her. We hardly ever give her 'tummy time' because she spits up so much more (if that's even possible) when she's on her stomach, but we'll be starting that more now. Also, the dr prescribed her some Prevacid for her spit up issues. We upped her formula intake to 8oz every 3 hours, but she only keeps down about half of it. She gave her the dissolvable tablets and I tried to give her one this morning, hahaha, total failure. She kinda went like 'what's this?' and then started gagging and threw up all over the couch. So, we'll be dissolving it in a teaspoon of water from now on and then squirting it in her mouth with a med dropper. Much easier than cleaning the couch. I hope this helps because the poor girl is in a constant state of wetness. I mean really, I can't change her clothes as often as she soaks them and I know how gross it feels to sit in wet clothes. Bleh. Anyhow, I'll keep updating as to how it's working!

I finally got my hip mri done. After wasting a bunch of time making phone calls, I found out that the dr's office was waiting for my insurance to send them a pre-authorization before they sent the dr's order to the radiology place. Well the insurance co had sent the pre-auth straight to the radiology place, so they were waiting for the dr's order. I swear, NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THEY'RE DOING! Anyhow, so I went in yesterday morning (at 7, didn't get out till 9:25) and when the tech was getting me prepped I asked if she was going to do the dye scan. She said that since the dr didn't think I had an infection or anything that she didn't think we'd need to do the dye. Well after the first mri, she took me out and said, 'I think we better do the dye too.' This makes me wonder if she saw something on the first one that she thought might be 'wrong' and wanted a more thorough picture or maybe she just wanted to cover all her bases. They said it'd be 2-3 business days to get the results from the hematologist. I'm hoping to get some kind of answer because this amount of pain can't be deemed 'normal'.

I'm kind of sad knowing that I'll never be pregnant again.

Tony and I had our first counseling session through the peer counseling service at church. It was interesting and will probably be helpful. I think counselors have this ability to stare at someone in complete silence and not feel weird. I don't have that ability.

Allison's baby shower is this Saturday, so we'll be going up to Phx tomorrow after Tony gets home from work. I'm hoping to prep the food tomorrow so then it's ready to be cooked in Phx. I want to go to the Renaissance fair while we're up there, but we'll see if that actually happens.

19 weeks old

lounging in our pjs

(or banamas as Embry calls them)

My littlest girly is 19 weeks old!

Nola's still not rolling over. I've given up trying to move her along, I'm sure one day it'll just happen. In the meantime, Embry has taken to shoving Nola's butt off to the side and telling her to roll over. Nola has also figured out that she can make a lot of noise by screeching. I tried to get it on video, but so far, no success. She was supposed to have her 4 month check up yesterday, but it got rescheduled to this coming Tuesday.

We tried to get Embry to do a somersault, but she doesn't get it. If we help her, she does it, if not then she just rolls over to the side and yells, 'look at me, I did it!' Oh and she's almost always going poo poo in the potty now and when she does something right she says 'say yay for me!' Her imagination has exploded and she is constantly talking to her imaginary friends from Dora and Diego.

So I have to call my insurance company with my daily weight and blood pressure reading and I'm getting pretty tired of it. I understand they're trying to keep track of this to ensure I'm not retaining water etc but every time I report it, they call me back and ask me about my weight. Basically, they want to know why I weigh so much. Argh. I thought it was because of the steroids, but since I stopped those 2 weeks ago, I figured the weight would be coming off by now. Also our scale is messed up. I'll step on it once and it'll say 146, then 1 minute later it will say 152...I'm pretty sure that's not possible. While I'm on a rant, I'd like to say that I'm in a world of pain. It's my hips. You know how when you're pregnant you get really bad charlie horses? Well while I'm sleeping, that will happen, only it's in my butt, through my hip, and up my back. My house is in a constant state of disarray as well. Imagine how many times a mom bends down to the floor everyday? Well, I can't and therefore, whatever lands on the floor tends to stay there. I'm still waiting to hear about the hip mri. I should probably call them today and figure out what's going on.

Good news! It seems that Mello Yello (the coke version of Mt Dew) is becoming regularly available in the southwest. I found some at Walmart a few weeks ago and just about did a happy dance in the middle of the aisle. Then I went to the grocery store yesterday and behold, there was Mello Yello sitting in the soda section. YAHOO!

I missed a Week

Well, I got the blood tests back FINALLY and good news: no TTP for me! Woohoo! There was one blood test he didn't get so he had me go get some blood drawn for that (3 phlebotomists, 3 sticks in one arm, 1 in the other = good times) and he is sending me for an MRI of my hip. Oh, the ultrasound was fine, as I suspected. Good that there aren't any clots in there (esp since my inr has been low the past 3 weeks) but he's doing the MRI in case the bone has died in which case we'd discuss a hip replacement. So, we'll see. He's a funny guy. He told me that if I planned on having more kids that I should call him so he can go out of town, ha. :) I'm kinda sad that he doesn't need to see me anymore since he's actually a good doctor and nice, but I guess that's a good thing.

Nola is still insisting on rolling about 75% of the way onto her tummy, but she cannot get her arm out from under her. She's quite adorable. My MIL just left today after being here for 6 days and it was nice to actually get a proper amount of sleep. I got to sleep in today which is a good thing since the children refused to nap at the same time today (although Embry actually did sleep which is a rarity these days). Nola is also cooing a lot more and, dare I say, possibly spitting up less. I'm not sure though, it's hard to guage, but I'm taking her in for her 4 month appt next week anyhow so I'll ask the dr about it again. For now we've been continuing to put rice cereal in with her formula. The anti-spit up formula was nasty (all chunky coming back up) and also made her constipated so we went back to the gentlease.

I had my 'I'm Alive!' Party and it was awesome. There was a moment when I was walking downstairs and I could hear all the people chattering happily, see all the lights, hear the Christmas music, and I walked past the Christmas tree with a stupid smile on my face. I was just so happy to have recreated Christmas and spend time with all of my loved ones. Of course there were some missing, but it really turned out great. We played our version of Scribblish (hilarious) and Just Dance on the Wii (also hilarious), ate delicious food (ham, turkey, meatballs, wienies, potatoes, green beans, chocolate, french silk pie, apple pie, pumpkin pie...basically all you can imagine eating at Christmas), then set off fireworks in the backyard. They went a lot higher and were a lot louder than I had envisioned, so I'm happy none of the neighbors got upset...or at least didn't tell me that they got upset. :) Oh and for the most part, everyone dressed up pretty fancy which makes me oh so happy. I LOVE getting dressed up! Oh and I got my hair cut/highlighted the day before so that also made me feel good. Now the hard part: putting away all of our Christmas decorations!